Emergency Measures to Re-Regulate Anywhere

Everyone seems to be using the word dysregulation these days—but what does it actually refer to? And what can you do when it happens to you? I’m well placed to explain this; I even wrote a book called Reeregulated. Dysregulation is a response: it can be triggered by stress, and it’s especially frequent in people who’ve experienced severe stress or trauma earlier in life. That said, dysregulation can affect anyone. Most people do eventually reregulate, but those who were traumatized as children tend to tip into dysregulation more easily and stay there longer. Think about a newborn in distress: their skin flushes, they arch their back and cry. Babies haven’t yet learned how to calm themselves. When a parent holds and feeds them, the crying eases, the baby settles and becomes calm and alert again — that settling is reregulation. For infants, the touch, warmth and feeding from a caregiver help their nervous system to co-regulate with another person. You might have heard the term co-regulation, where one person’s physiological state helps another’s come back into balance. This pattern is normal in children, and adults do it with each other too — even whole groups can co-regulate. You can see how a lack of attentive caregiving can disrupt the healthy development of a child’s nervous system and their capacity to self-regulate. You can also see how a parent who is themselves dysregulated may struggle to soothe a distressed child. The baby keeps crying, the parent becomes more upset, and the cycle repeats — back and forth, escalating into a vicious loop. Once you know what dysregulation is and can identify its sensations, you might start noticing it everywhere. That angry man shouting at the post office clerk was dysregulated. Your mother bursting into tears at the mess was dysregulated. The second grader who looked completely checked out and missed the bell for lunch was dysregulated. I was dysregulated once when I got so anxious about asking for a raise that I knocked over a cup of coffee onto papers and ruined my boss’s carpet — classic dysregulation. For many people, simply learning that dysregulation is a real and normal reaction is a huge relief. Here are common ways it can feel in adults: you feel spacey, find yourself at a loss for words, or have a brief gap in awareness. Or you feel scattered, trying to multitask and finishing nothing; you drop and lose things — Where are my keys? Where’s my purse? Where did I put my shoes? After a big upset, your face and voice can go flat so it looks like you feel nothing even though you do. Sometimes you burst into rage or have an urgent need to express what’s bothering you — which is rarely a good moment to act on that urgency. Parts of your body can go numb: your hands, mouth, face, nose or feet. You might drive and later realize you don’t remember several minutes of the trip. You feel flustered and overwhelmed, and concentrating or completing tasks becomes nearly impossible. Those sensations are visible cues that dysregulation is happening, but there are also effects you can’t feel directly — changes in hormones, immune function and vital signs — all of which matter for health. The physical signs you do notice are a clue that dysregulation may be present on these deeper levels too. The good news is that you can learn to reregulate. It takes practice and repetition to build habits, but it’s very doable. Long-term routines help — my main method is a daily writing-and-meditation routine I call the daily practice, which I’ll describe elsewhere — and practicing consistently reduces how often and how quickly you get dysregulated when stressors arise. Alongside a daily practice, it’s essential to have immediate, on-the-spot strategies for when dysregulation hits unexpectedly. Staying dysregulated is exhausting: it impairs memory for daily interactions, makes it harder to connect with others, and can leave you vulnerable to outsized emotional reactions because ordinary feelings are running through an unsteady nervous system. That can lead to lashing out, sudden waves of inexplicable sadness at the worst moments, talking too much in social settings, or silly mistakes like driving off from a gas station with the pump still attached — I personally did that twice in one week once, much to the station’s displeasure. The key is that if you can notice you’re dysregulated, you can do something about it right away. Below are what I call emergency measures to reregulate. I’ve gathered many techniques and added some newer ones — here are fourteen practical steps. 1) Notice that you’re dysregulated. Are you flooded with emotion or adrenaline? Are you panicking? Acknowledge it to yourself: “I’m having an emotional reaction.” Slowing down and offering yourself gentleness in that moment can prevent words or actions you’ll regret. 2) Be safe. This is not the time to drive if you’re extremely upset — pull over and take your time. If the trigger was an argument, use calm language to pause the interaction: “I want to continue this, but I need a breather to calm down.” If you’d rather not reveal you’re triggered, say you need a bathroom break or that another call is coming in. Avoid diving into a big discussion while dysregulated; simply pause the conversation. 3) Buy some time. Put physical distance between you and others if possible — even stepping into a restroom can help. If you feel compelled to express yourself immediately and argue, step away for longer before trying to resolve anything. Very few situations are true emergencies; most problems can wait until you’re calmer. 4) Stamp your feet. Ground yourself in your body by stamping one foot then the other and silently saying “right, left, right, left” as you do so. This simple rhythm helps bring your attention into the present and calms your nervous system. 5) Take ten deep breaths, paying special attention to the exhale. Slow, deliberate breathing regulates the autonomic nervous system. 6) Press your tongue to the roof or back of your teeth. This small physical cue helps you reconnect with bodily sensations. 7) Sit down and feel the weight of your pelvis in the chair. Feeling the contact and weight of your body anchors you to the present; it’s a way to inhabit your limbs and reestablish bodily presence. 8) Stand up and shake it out. Somatic shaking — lightly bouncing on your knees and letting your body jiggle — releases tension. You can swing your arms and enjoy the silly, freeing feeling, imagining a hundred sticky ping-pong balls falling off you. 9) Dance. Put on music (headphones if you prefer) and move, jump, and shake your body while closing your eyes to locate where tension lives. Dance until you feel the need to stop; some people find this exhausting in a good way and very effective for shifting state. 10) Eat something grounding. While stress often prompts cravings for carbs and sugar, protein-rich foods are more likely to help you stabilize your energy and feel grounded again. 11) Use water and temperature. Wash your hands and notice the sensation of water and soap; warm water is soothing, while cold water or an ice bowl can give a sharp jolt that snaps you back to the present. A quick cold shower or splashing cold water on your face can be bracing and effective when you need to break out of a mood. If you prefer, put your hands in a bowl of ice water or splash your face — these sensory cues help bring your nervous system back into alignment. 12) (Another tactile option) If you don’t have someone to hug, create firm pressure by leaning your back into a corner and wrapping your arms around yourself, or squeeze your shoulders and torso. Pressure around the body can be calming; many people instinctively find comfort in being held or wrapped tightly. I’m reminded of a scene from a dramatization of Temple Grandin’s childhood in which she sat in a chain swing and twisted it tightly around her — that squeezing pressure was soothing for her, and similar sensations can be regulating for others. 13) Get a strong, squeezing hug. If someone is available and you feel safe with them, a wholehearted hug helps many people settle. If no one is nearby, the self-hug or leaning into a corner described above can substitute. 14) Try an eye-movement exercise inspired by EMDR. Find a safe space where you can close your eyes without danger. Visualize a brilliant white light tracing a sideways figure-eight — the infinity symbol — and let your eyes follow that movement behind your closed lids. The side-to-side eye motion resembles the bilateral stimulation used in EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), a technique that can help the brain process distressing memories. To try it: hold in mind a troubling thought and rate your distress from 1 to 10. Then, with the thought in mind, follow the imagined moving light with your eyes for a minute or two. Stop, open your eyes and re-rate the distress. Many people notice a drop in intensity after a session; if the feeling only eases a little, repeat the exercise until it diminishes. If the distress grows instead of shrinks, stop and use a different technique from this list. You now have fourteen immediate strategies to help you reregulate. If you’d like a printable handout listing all of these techniques, you can get one for free — it’s available right here. I’ll see you soon.

Когда обращаться за профессиональной помощью

Most dysregulation responds to self-soothing and routine practice, but reach out for professional support if you notice any of the following: persistent or worsening dysregulation that interferes with work or relationships; frequent dissociation or blackouts while driving or doing other risky activities; thoughts of self-harm or suicide; increasing reliance on substances to cope; or a history of trauma that feels overwhelming when activated. A licensed therapist, psychiatrist, or crisis service can offer assessment, longer-term trauma-focused therapies (including EMDR, CBT, DBT), and medication when appropriate.

Quick grounding scripts you can memorize

5–4–3–2–1 senses: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. Move slowly and fully into each sense.
Box breathing: Breathe in for 4, hold 4, breathe out 4, hold 4. Repeat 4 times. (If 4 feels too long, try 3 or 2.)
Name it to tame it: Quietly say to yourself what you’re feeling — “I’m angry,” “I’m panicked,” “I’m overwhelmed.” Labeling reduces limbic reactivity.
Progressive muscle release: Tense a muscle group for 5 seconds then release. Move from feet to head or vice versa.

How to help someone who is dysregulated

Be calm and nonjudgmental. Ask “What would help you right now?” rather than telling them to calm down. Offer space if they request it, or stay with them if they prefer not to be alone. Ask permission before touching; if they welcome it, a firm hug or shoulder squeeze can help. If they’re in danger of harming themselves or others, seek emergency help. Avoid minimizing statements like “snap out of it” or “it’s not that bad.”

Create a personalized reregulation kit and plan

Having a small, portable kit and a short plan makes it easier to act when dysregulation begins. Consider including: a list of your top 3 grounding techniques, a small object to hold (stone, stress ball), headphones and a music playlist, a protein snack, a water bottle, gum or mints, a printed breathing script, and emergency contact numbers. Write a one-paragraph plan you can memorize or keep in your wallet: what you’ll do first, who you’ll call, and where you can go to be safe.

Daily habits that build resilience

Prevention matters. Daily practices reduce how often you tip into dysregulation and shorten its duration: consistent sleep, regular movement (even short daily walks), balanced meals with protein, limiting alcohol and stimulants, a brief morning grounding or journaling practice, social connection with trusted people, and weekly therapy if needed. Small, consistent habits are more powerful than occasional big efforts.

Safety and medical considerations

If you have a medical condition, are on medications, or experience blackouts or fainting, check with your healthcare provider to rule out medical causes. If dysregulation involves suicidal thoughts, self-harm urges, or severe dissociation, contact local emergency services or a crisis hotline right away. Consider involving a clinician who can coordinate care, assess for PTSD or other diagnoses, and advise on medication when appropriate.

Final practical tips

Practice the emergency measures when you’re calm so they’re easier to access during distress. Make a habit of reviewing and adjusting your reregulation kit and plan monthly. Keep a short list of small wins — moments you successfully reregulated — to remind yourself that change is possible. Over time, these steps will help you rebuild your capacity to tolerate stress and recover more quickly when life unsettles you.