Generation Z’s Great Escape from Costly Romance

Cheap Thrills vs. Costly Socializing

For many Gen Zers, a night in with video games, streaming TV, or even doom-scrolling TikTok has become a bargain pastime compared to a night out. It’s no secret that high-speed internet and endless digital content mean “really cheap leisure” is always at hand . As one economist put it, “We have PlayStations, fantastic TVs, Netflix – a lot of really cheap leisure. It may be more tempting not to work, to stay home and play video games or watch a show” . In other words, why hustle to afford pricy outings when ultra-cheap (or free) entertainment offers instant gratification?

This economic equation is tilting social habits. Socializing in person – whether dating, clubbing, or just meeting friends – often comes with a hefty price tag. By contrast, asocial hobbies such as gaming or binge-watching require little more than a Wi-Fi password. Researchers have even tied the rise of “virtually unlimited cheap entertainment” to people working fewer hours than previous generations . Given a choice between a $60 video game (providing dozens of hours of fun) and a single $60 dinner date, many cash-strapped young adults are opting for the former. It’s simple economics: one is a one-time cost for endless enjoyment, the other is an endless cost for one-time enjoyment.

Love on a Budget (or Not at All)

Dating, in particular, has started to feel like a luxury expense that many young people just can’t justify. The typical date night was already creeping into the realm of the expensive even before recent inflation spikes. In the U.S., one estimate put the average cost of a date at around $68 (with men spending about $67 and women $57 on average per outing ). And that’s before factoring in surging prices for everything from gas to groceries. It’s no wonder that nearly 70% of Americans in one 2024 survey said they felt uneasy about the cost of dating . Another poll in late 2022 found 1 in 5 Americans avoiding dating due to rising costs . As one Business Insider columnist wryly observed, “Love, in this economy, is increasingly reserved only for those who can afford it.”

Across the Atlantic, the story is similar. A UK survey in 2024 found over half of British singles weren’t dating amid the cost-of-living crunch. In fact, the share of British men who said they were actively dating plummeted from 84% in 2023 to just 58% in 2024 . (Women’s participation in dating dropped as well – only 36% of British women reported dating in 2024 .) Clearly, when “people can’t afford rent, let alone going on a date” , romance is one of the first budget items to get cut.

Those who do date are finding creative ways to pinch pennies. First dates via FaceTime or Zoom became normal during the pandemic and have lingered as a thrifty alternative to meeting at a bar. In one recent survey of 18–27-year-olds, 65% said they preferred to meet a new romantic prospect virtually first – not just for safety or convenience, but to save money on “transportation and dining out” . Why splurge on Uber rides and cocktails with a stranger when you could chat online for free? Even traditional dating norms are shifting under economic pressure. Dating coaches note that younger couples are far more open to low-cost meetups (coffee or a walk in the park) and to splitting the bill than older generations . The ethos seems to be: keep it cheap and manage expectations. After all, as one UK financial expert quipped, “you don’t always have to spend a lot to have a great time” .

The Man Who Opted Out – On Purpose

Consider the case of one  twenty-something man living in San Francisco. By all accounts, he’s not depressed, angry, or driven by any anti-dating ideology – he’s just genuinely content with a low-key lifestyle. He shares a house with a few roommates, works a basic job just enough to cover rent and takeout, and spends most evenings immersed in online games. He has no career ambitions and no romantic aspirations, and importantly, he insists this isn’t due to women being “too expensive” or out of reach. He’s simply uninterested in pursuing a relationship or the traditional markers of “success.”

It’s a striking anecdote because it flips the usual script. This isn’t a disgruntled incel blaming women or a man crushed by rejection – it’s someone who looked at the effort and expense of dating and said, “No thanks, I’m good.” And he’s not alone. Social commentators have noted a broader decline in ambition among young men in various arenas: dating, careers, you name it. Many young men today appear surprisingly comfortable with a scaled-down life, as long as their basic needs (and Wi-Fi) are met. Sociologically, it’s a fascinating development. One might call it a modern “failure to launch” phenomenon, but these guys don’t feel like failures at all – they’ve launched into a different trajectory that prioritizes personal hobbies and friendships over climbing the career ladder or starting a family.

This trend shows up in statistics as well. For instance, young men are now far less likely to be enrolled in college or aiming for high-powered careers than young women. In the U.S., women in their late 20s are significantly more educated than men of the same age (47% of women vs. 37% of men have a bachelor’s degree) , a gap that has widened over recent decades. The old stereotype of men as the driven, career-focused sex is flipping. Meanwhile, a growing share of young men are living at home or with roommates into their late 20s – not necessarily out of desperation, but often because it’s an easy, acceptable arrangement now. As of 2021, 36% of U.S. men aged 18–34 were living with parents (versus 30% of women) – a pattern consistent across Europe too . Avoiding the expenses of independent living makes it easier to get by on a modest income, further reducing the incentive to chase a higher-paying (but more stressful) job.

In short, a segment of Gen Z men are effectively checking out of the traditional rat race. They’re not trying to “have it all” – they’re content with a bit less, whether that means a mediocre job, or no romantic entanglements, or both. One could view this with a touch of irony: historically, men often avoided marriage because they didn’t want to give up their freedom; now some avoid dating because they don’t want to give up their comfort. As one cultural critic observed (a bit sarcastically), today’s young men aren’t exactly pining for girlfriends while they grind away at Xbox achievements – in fact, many seem perfectly fine with the situation . Women may lament the shortage of “marriageable” men, but, the critic noted, those same men appear either “content with their lot or indignantly defensive of it” . In other words: Don’t bother me, I’m gaming.

Dopamine on Demand: Games and Porn vs. Real Relationships

Why are so many Gen Z men uninterested in romance to begin with? A big piece of the puzzle may be the allure of risk-free digital dopamine. Romantic relationships (and dating) come with inherent risks – rejection, awkwardness, emotional ups and downs – not to mention costs in time and money. By contrast, video games and online pornography offer immediate rewards with none of the rejection or effort. Psychologists Philip Zimbardo and Nikita Coulombe have dubbed games and porn “arousal addictions” for young men – endless streams of novelty and stimulation that keep users hooked in a cycle of pleasure . Crucially, these virtual pastimes provide a sense of control that real life often doesn’t. “Many [young men] are choosing to isolate themselves in a place where they have control over outcomes — where there is no fear of rejection and they are praised for their abilities,” Zimbardo and Coulombe note . A challenging raid in World of Warcraft might be stressful, but it won’t laugh at you or ghost you after 3 a.m. – and if you fail, you can always hit “restart.”

The same goes for the virtual sexual realm. With unlimited free porn a few clicks away, a young man can fulfill some semblance of sexual desire whenever he wants, tailored exactly to his tastes, without needing to impress or please a real partner. It’s essentially instant gratification on tap. Of course, these virtual substitutes lack the warmth, intimacy, and genuine connection of real relationships – but for someone who’s grown up on high-octane digital stimuli, real-world dating might feel comparatively slow, confusing, or unrewarding. Researchers are actively studying this dynamic. One interview study on declining sexual activity noted that among young people, time spent on “computer games, social media, [and] video games” has been replacing time once spent pursuing sex or romance . By 2018, 44% of young men (and 74% of young women) reported having no sexual activity at all in the past year, a striking increase from a decade prior . Something fundamental has changed in how youth get their kicks – and digital entertainment is a big part of it.

There’s even an ironic feedback loop at play: heavy use of porn and gaming can dull one’s appetite for real romance over time. Some therapists point out that excessive porn use can be socially isolating and inhibit the development of romance and intimacy . Why risk an awkward date when you can get a quick dopamine hit from online content? The result is a generation of young men who are, intentionally or not, increasingly desensitized to the drive for real-life relationships. To be clear, not every Gen Z guy is a porn-addled recluse – but the broad trend of “sex recession” among youth has been widely documented. Technology hasn’t just made sex and dating more accessible (via apps); paradoxically, it’s also made opting out of sex and dating more appealing for many.

Ambition on Ice: No Hurry for Careers or Weddings

Tied into this lifestyle shift is a noted decline in traditional ambition. Ask employers or educators, and you’ll often hear that Gen Z values work-life balance and personal well-being far more than status or overtime pay. But among young men especially, there’s concern (and some evidence) that this has tipped into apathy. Fewer young men today strive to be the breadwinner with a big house, wife, and 2.5 kids by age 30. In fact, 63% of U.S. men under 30 now report being single – nearly double the rate of single young women . Many of these men are not in any rush to change that status. Marriage rates for adults under 30 have plummeted across the developed world, and when asked about the future, Gen Z men often express caution or disinterest in the traditional milestones of marriage and family. (In Russia, interestingly, surveys show a majority of Gen Z still say they want to marry and start a family by their late 20s , but in practice they too are entering serious relationships later and less often than previous generations .)

Economically, a mismatch of expectations has emerged between young men and women. On average, Gen Z men are earning less and achieving less education than their female peers, yet the social script hasn’t fully adjusted. Many young women still hope for a partner who is their equal or better in income and education – the classic desire not to “date down.” As a result, a supply-demand imbalance is fermenting in the dating pool: lots of ambitious young women who don’t want to settle, and lots of young men who don’t meet the “ideal partner” criteria (or aren’t interested in being that partner). The Pew Research “singles” study that caused a stir in 2023 highlighted this chasm: there are about equal numbers of young men and women in society, yet vastly more young men are single . The implication? Women might be partnering with a smaller subset of “high-value” men, or dating older men, or staying single longer – while a large cohort of young men sit on the sidelines. In digital dating terms, women find 80% of men “below average” in attractiveness , focusing their attention on the top 20% or so. That leaves the majority of men competing for a minority of female interest. It’s an 80/20 dynamic that online dating statistics have repeatedly borne out: “Only one profile out of 100 was liked by more than 80% of women,” one study found, while women swiped “dislike” on dozens of other profiles . In plainer terms, a small fraction of men get a disproportionate share of the matches and dates.

What happens to that lucky 10–20% of guys? Human nature being what it is, they often enjoy their advantaged position – and may be less inclined to commit. If you’re a charismatic, financially secure young man receiving plenty of female attention on apps or in social life, the incentive to settle down early or exclusively isn’t very strong. This exacerbates the imbalance: many women vie for the same few desirable men, who in turn play the field. Meanwhile, the remaining pool of “average” men experiences a drought of opportunities, which can encourage them to either withdraw (cue those nights of gaming) or grow bitter. As one analyst dryly noted, “marriage has continued to thrive among those with college degrees while deteriorating among those with lower levels of education,” largely because women refuse to “settle for some bottom-dweller” when they themselves have good careers . College-educated women do marry less-educated men sometimes, but they tend to “skim off the most economically stable ones” . In practice, that means a shrinking pool of marriageable men in the eyes of many women. The financially secure or high-achieving men become exclusive commodities, so to speak – and they know it.

When Cheaper, Easier Alternatives Win Out

All these factors feed into a cycle that is changing the social fabric in subtle but significant ways. Gen Z men with fewer economic prospects or less drive find it easy to opt out of the dating market, pouring their time into solo leisure or platonic friendships. Gen Z women, broadly outperforming their male peers in education and often earnings, are unwilling to “date down” to less driven partners, so they either compete for the scarce high-status men or postpone relationships. Those high-status men, in turn, face plentiful options and often delay settling into monogamy. The end result? Fewer young people pairing up in committed relationships, and more people spending Friday nights alone (by choice or circumstance). Indeed, measures of youth social and sexual activity are at historic lows. In the U.S., rates of sexual inactivity among young men have more than doubled in the past decade , and the share of all young adults reporting no sex in the past year hit 38% by 2021, an all-time high . European and Russian youth mirror many of these trends, indicating a broader generational shift.

It’s a situation dripping with irony. In an age when finding someone is as easy as swiping on a phone, Gen Z has made “swiping left” on dating altogether a common practice. Economic pressures and technological comforts have conspired to create a perfect storm where staying single (and largely asocial) is, for many, the path of least resistance. Why go through the “heartbreaking price of love,” as one headline dubbed it , when you can have a fulfilling evening conquering the latest video game or streaming an entire season of your favorite show for a fraction of the cost? Why risk an unfulfilling date when virtual worlds and online communities offer instant camaraderie and excitement without judgment? As one commentary quipped, “the only thing [young women] don’t do is marry the men they’ve left in their dust” – and increasingly, those men don’t seem to mind being left behind.

A New Social Landscape

The long-term social consequences of these shifts are still unfolding. We may be witnessing the early stages of a more atomized, slow-to-mature generation, where relationships and family formation happen later (if at all) and much of young adulthood is spent in a sort of extended solo adolescence. Financially secure men might become a kind of new elite in the dating world – “the one-eyed kings in the land of the blind” – holding outsized sway in a romantic economy short on supply. Women, on the other hand, may continue to raise the bar for what counts as an acceptable partner, even if that means prolonged singleness or seeking alternative paths to parenthood (some observers note that successful single women are increasingly open to having children via sperm donors rather than marrying someone less successful ).

For now, Gen Z’s behaviors reflect a pragmatic adaptation to their environment. Asocial leisure is cheap and safe; social courting is expensive and uncertain. So they allocate their time and money accordingly. One could cynically say that “dating has become a luxury hobby”, and many young people have decided they can live without it for the time being. Instead, they invest in friendships, personal interests, and digital amusements that offer more predictable returns on investment . In an era of rampant inflation and socio-economic flux, even love seems subject to cost-benefit analysis.

It’s not all doom and gloom, of course. Human nature hasn’t fundamentally changed – plenty of Gen Z folks do fall in love, couple up, and find creative ways to bond without breaking the bank. Many are also redefining what a “relationship” looks like, favoring casual, slow-burn romances or friendships that blossom into something more gradually. But the overarching trend is clear: Generation Z is approaching dating and relationships on its own terms – economically cautiously, digitally mediated, and often delaying romance in favor of immediate gratifications. Cupid’s arrow is still flying around, but it’s competing with Call of Duty and TikTok for Gen Z’s attention, and in this economy, Cupid might need to clear his purchases with a budgeting app first.

Sources: Recent surveys and studies on Gen Z social habits and economics, including Pew Research Center , Institute for Family Studies , Business Insider , and others as cited in-line above.