Everything I Learned From Using a Professional Matchmaker

Tired of endless swiping, one single woman decides to try a more traditional approach.

By Caroline Grant

I’m sitting in a sleek ball room in a posh Manhattan high-rise, sipping my latte under an impressively high ceiling. Outside, the hum of New York—the city of finance, hustle, and people on the move—buzzes in the background. I can’t help but wonder what deals have been brokered at this polished, oval table. And right now, I’m here to broker my own deal… about love.

You can call it dating, hooking up, playing the field. For me, it’s love I want. I’ve already had three serious relationships in my life, so I’m not holding out for “the one” so much as I’m seeking a genuine connection. That quest is what keeps me swiping through endless profiles: men on vacation in exotic locales, men hugging their friends, men holding babies, men at bars, and inexplicably—men posing with giant fish.

Read also: How to Know if There's a Second Date: Signs During the First One

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not one of those daters who despise apps. In fact, during the pandemic, apps were a lifeline for single people like me, living alone, and I met some wonderful folks I otherwise never would have encountered. Still, after three years of using them, my search for a long-term relationship keeps coming up short. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result, then I’ve been a little insane for a while now.

My Introduction to a Matchmaker

That’s how I found myself here in Manhattan, meeting with Natalia Sergovantseva, co- founder of the professional matchmaking agency SoulMatcher VIP Matchmaker Concierge - SVMC. During our two-hour conversation, Natalia got my entire life story—from my upbringing and education to my career and my dating history. There was something oddly refreshing about telling a stranger why, at age 36, I’m still single in the city. After all, I’ve been telling bits of my story to random men online for years, so maybe it was time to do it the old-fashioned way.

The questions weren’t all easy—especially those about kids (I want them) and the more painful chapters of my dating history. But I welcomed them. It assured me that if my potential matches were subject to the same kind of thorough questioning, I’d be meeting men who were equally serious about love. It felt like having my own personal “dating bouncer,” making sure only those ready for a relationship got admitted into what I jokingly called “Club Caroline.”

Every prospective member of SVMC undergoes a similar vetting process, including face-to-face meetings with a member of the team to confirm they are who they say they are (and look like they do in their photos).

Read also: Certifications and Accreditations for Professional Matchmakers Worldwide

A few weeks later, I received an email with several possible matches, along with profiles to review. SVMC writes your basic bio for you (with your input), and you choose three photos to go along with it. As I scanned the men’s profiles, I was already impressed: accomplished, intriguing men who looked friendly and earnest—no fish photos, no clichéd phrases like “just looking for a partner in crime.” Instead, I noticed thoughtful details and genuine reasons for why we might be a good fit.

The First Match: Tom*

From the initial set, I picked Tom because he seemed kind, was into sports (like me), and flashed an easygoing smile. A week later, we were clinking wine glasses at a small bistro, chatting about his climbing hobby, my love of open-water swimming, and our shared devotion to our nieces and nephews. He messaged me the very next day to schedule a second date, but although I enjoyed our conversation, I just didn’t feel that spark. Still, it was one of the most pleasant dating experiences I’d had all year.

The Second Match: James*

Roughly a month later, I got another message: “Caroline, you have to meet James!” Donna wrote, her excitement evident. This is where I finally got the phrase “great on paper”: James was tall, had a career he loved, and a sense of adventure. After we both agreed to exchange numbers, he reached out via text.

We ended up chatting nonstop for a week before he asked me to meet for cocktails. Despite my mild nervousness—thanks to years of collecting “pen pals” who rarely made time to meet in person—I decided to go for it. As the date approached, I realized I was both excited and nervous, something I hadn’t felt in ages.

Read also: The Evolution of Partner Search: From Village Matchmakers to Global Professionals

Our evening turned out to be the kind of perfect New York night you see in rom-coms. We met at 7 p.m. for cocktails and closed out the bar at 2 a.m., laughing nonstop, telling stories, and bonding over everything from music to family.

I wish I could say we’re living happily ever after, but that’s not how this story ends. After five great dates, James decided he wasn’t truly over his ex, and we parted ways as friends. It was disappointing—no one more disappointed than me—but I don’t regret meeting him for one second.

Why a Matchmaker, Then?

Here’s the thing: even though it didn’t work out with James, the whole experience reminded me that genuinely good, fun, and interesting people are out there. I would never have met him otherwise—he wasn’t on any dating apps. The fee for SVMC is steep (memberships start at around $10,000 a year), so it’s definitely not a fit for everyone. But if you’re feeling worn out by the app scene, the knowledge that your date is truly invested in meeting someone can be a major morale boost.

This process gave me hope just when I was starting to lose it. It also reminded me that sometimes, genuine connections aren’t so hard to forge; it’s the intention behind them that matters. If all the effort someone puts into finding a partner is a quick swipe and a half-hearted bio, it’s no wonder the results can feel disappointing. Using a matchmaker doesn’t guarantee a perfect ending, but it does put you face-to-face with someone who’s just as committed to the process as you are.

It didn’t pan out with James, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m at the right table—matching wits (and hearts) with men who are earnest, ready, and truly available. And that, for me, was worth every cent.

*Names have been changed.