The Main Reason You Can’t Meet Someone

by Natalia Sergovantseva, co-founder of SoulMatcher

Let’s put it this way: many of us grow up with a belief shaped in childhood—a belief in the “program of fate.”

They believe it doesn’t matter if you’re working, building a career, or lying on the stove. If it’s meant to be, you will meet your life partner in due time. And what happens, such men—women give the most important life issue to chance. In some cases it works and in some cases…

The idea is that it doesn’t matter what you do—whether you’re pursuing your passion, working hard, or doing nothing. If it’s meant to be, fate will ensure you meet your life partner at the right time.

As a result, some people leave the most important decision of their lives to chance. Sometimes this approach works out, but other times…

Before launching SoulMatcher, despite already being married to an American husband, I needed to seriously explore the world of dating apps. I registered on various platforms, actively communicated, and went on dates. Considering my age group, most of the men I encountered were 40+. Broadly, they could be divided into two roughly equal categories.

The first group consisted of men who married relatively early, had 1–2 children, and later divorced when things didn’t work out in their relationships. And the second group included men who had reached this age without ever marrying or having children.

“How come?” I wondered. One attractive, smartly dressed investment banker explained it to me: “Well, I was building a career. I started with entry-level roles, climbed the ladder, became a partner at the firm, and suddenly, I was 45 and had never been married.

So I could relate. I also believed in fate, focused on building my career, and spent weekends actively socializing. Yet, the years passed, and no suitable candidates for a partner or husband came along. It wasn’t until my psychoanalyst asked, “Have you tried dating websites?” that I reconsidered my approach.

The number one reason for not finding a partner is simply not being ready to take active steps to search for one.

Let me clarify what I mean by “active actions.” First and foremost, it’s about building a funnel of candidates. I’ve worked in HR for many years. This role involves hiring, firing, and ensuring the quality of personnel, and I can confidently say that searching for a husband is not much different from searching for a key employee.

The process begins with defining your requirements for candidates—what you’re willing to compromise on and what is non-negotiable. Next, it’s crucial to build your personal “HR brand,” which means presenting yourself effectively to attract the right candidates. Screening is equally important—don’t waste time on individuals who don’t align with your goals. Instead, focus on maintaining and nurturing communication with those who show real potential.

In essence, a strategic approach is key to success. This applies to both recruitment and relationships.

The second factor is your inner attitude. It’s about removing blocks and programs that hinder relationships. This is a psychological topic, and it’s important. Ideally, an experienced psychologist should guide your dating journey. If that’s not possible, help yourself. Find a course on relationships or take a personal consultation with me. Don’t make the mistake of only working on yourself. Don’t forget to take active steps and build your funnel.

The harsh truth about who isn’t genuinely interested in you finding a partner:

• Your Mom: Even if she says otherwise, she may secretly enjoy having you around. She might like having you as her dependable son or daughter for the long haul.
• Single, unmarried friends: Let’s face it—if you settle down, you’re less likely to join late-night outings. You’ll also be less likely to go on spontaneous trips with them.
• Your manager: A partner means your overtime and weekend availability might decrease—bad news for your boss.
• Your psychologist: If they specialize in relationship-building issues, losing you as a client isn’t good for them. It’s not in their best interest.
• Matchmakers and marriage agencies: While their goals almost align with yours, there’s a key difference. You want a long-term, happy relationship and possibly a family. They benefit from completing the contract and securing full payment, no matter the relationship’s outcome.
• Dating apps: The longer you stay single and active on their platform, the more money they make.

So, who is truly interested in you finally meeting your destiny, you ask?

First and foremost, it’s about you—no matter how you look at it. See everyone else as helpers, but never entrust your destiny entirely to their mercy.

What are your chances of meeting your destiny on a dating app?

I’ll reassure you—they’re still highly popular. “Still” because the In Real Life (IRL) dating trend has now emerged. The top dating apps have peaked. Many people are now switching to niche apps, like the lesser-known SoulMatcher. On SoulMatcher, users take a psychological test and are matched based on compatibility. Others are trying IRL dating options, such as speed dating, singles nights, and interest-based meetups.

In the US, online dating is the top way to meet people, with 39% meeting online. In Europe and Russia, the percentage varies by age group, ranging from 15% to 30%.

The odds are still high, and dating apps shouldn’t be discounted just yet.

In conclusion, finding a life partner isn’t about waiting for fate. It’s about taking action.

Use dating apps like SoulMatcher, or meet people in real life. You need to actively look for the right match. This means creating a list of potential partners and staying focused. Personal blocks and outside factors can slow you down. But your effort matters most. The chances of finding someone are still high. Don’t give up on dating apps or other options. The key is in your hands. Take the steps, and the right person may be closer than you think.