Moving in together is the first decision a couple makes that has a lease attached. It changes who pays for what, who cleans what, who gets the bathroom at 7:40, and what happens if it does not work. Most of those questions get answered by accident in the first 30 days. The 60 below are for answering them on purpose, before the boxes are packed.
They are grouped into six blocks of ten: money, chores and standards, space and privacy, guests and social life, daily rhythm, and the exit plan. After each block there is a short note on why that topic tends to become the argument. If you are further along than this, our questions to ask before marriage pick up where these stop.
How to use these questions
Do one block per evening, six evenings in total, ideally before you sign a 12-month lease. Answer separately first, then compare, and treat every mismatch as a topic rather than a verdict. Write down the two or three answers you would not have guessed; those are the ones to revisit three months after the move, when the honeymoon rules have met the actual flat.
Read also: 75 Questions to Ask Before Marriage: Money, Kids, Sex & Deal-Breakers
Money
- How do we split rent: 50/50, or in proportion to what each of us earns?
- Whose name goes on the lease, and what does that mean if one of us leaves?
- What is the monthly number we are both comfortable with for rent, a quarter of our income, a third, more, before we start looking?
- Utilities, internet, streaming, groceries: one shared pot with a fixed monthly top-up, or each of us pays specific bills?
- Above what amount do we check with each other before buying something for the flat: 50, 200, 500?
- If one of us loses income for three months, does the split change for those three months, or not at all?
- Who owns the sofa we buy together, and do we care?
- Do we keep an emergency cushion for the flat, and how much: half a month's rent, a full month?
- What do you spend on that you would rather I did not comment on?
- Have you ever lived with someone and fought about money? What was the fight actually about?
Why this matters. Rent is the first bill two people pay together, and the split you choose says something about how you see fairness: equal amounts, or equal effort. On a rent of 1,200, a 50/50 split and a proportional split for incomes of 3,000 and 2,000 differ by 120 a month; question 1 is really asking whether that 120 matters to you. It has no right answer, but a split that was never stated tends to surface during an argument about something else.
Chores and standards
- What does "clean enough" look like to you: describe the kitchen at the end of a normal day.
- Which chore would you happily own forever, and which would you pay to never do?
- Do we split chores by task, by day of the week, or by whoever notices first?
- How long can dishes sit in the sink before it bothers you: an hour, a day, a weekend?
- Would you rather have a cleaner every two weeks and eat out less, or the reverse?
- What did your last flatmate or partner do around the house that drove you mad?
- Laundry: together, separately, and who decides what counts as a full load?
- Who cooks, how many nights a week, and is "I ordered food" a valid answer?
- When one of us has a heavy week, does the other pick up their chores, or do they wait?
- What would you want me to say if I thought you were not pulling your weight?
Why this matters. Chores are rarely about the chore. They are about whether effort is seen, and question 14 is the fastest way to find out how far apart two people's thresholds are. A gap of a few hours is manageable; a gap of three days needs a system, not good intentions.
Read also: Questions to Ask Before Getting Serious With Someone
Space and privacy
- Do you need a room, a desk, or a corner that is yours alone?
- How do you feel about me reading in the same room while you work?
- Is my phone, laptop or post private, or is "ours" the default now?
- How much of my stuff can come with me, and what do you secretly hope stays at my parents' house?
- Do we sleep in the same bed every night, or is a separate room a normal option after a bad night?
- Whose taste wins in the living room, and does the other person get a veto?
- When you need to be alone, how will I know: do you tell me, or do you leave?
- What is one habit of yours I have not seen yet because we have never lived together?
- Do you want to be told when someone has moved your things?
- How much silence in a shared evening feels comfortable to you, and how much feels cold?
Why this matters. Two people can love each other and still need different amounts of solitude, an hour a day for one and a whole evening a week for the other. Question 27 is the one to settle early: "I need an hour" and "I am upset with you" look identical from across the room unless you have agreed how to tell them apart.
Guests and social life
- How often are friends over for dinner: once a week, twice a month, once a quarter?
- Can either of us invite someone to stay without checking first, and for how many nights?
- When your family visits, where do they sleep, and for how many nights: two, five, ten?
- Is it fine for me to have friends over when you are not home?
- How do we handle an ex who is still a friend, in our home?
- Do we go to each other's work events, or is that optional?
- If I want a night alone in the flat, how much notice is fair: same day, a day, a week?
- What is your honest limit on my friends' noise, mess and hours?
- Do we host holidays, or leave for them?
- Is there anyone you would not want in our home at all?
Why this matters. A shared home is also a shared door, and question 32 is where most early friction starts: one person's "obviously fine" is the other's "you could have asked". Naming the number of nights, two or five, and whether asking is expected, removes most of it.
Read also: Moving In Together: How to Do It Without Ruining Things
Daily rhythm
- What time do you go to bed and get up on a normal weekday, honestly?
- Morning person or night person, and who gets the bathroom first at 7:40 when we both start at 9?
- Do you need quiet in the morning, or do you talk from the moment you wake up?
- Television in the bedroom: yes, no, or only when one of us is ill?
- Do we eat dinner together most nights, or is that a weekend thing?
- How do you decompress after a bad day, and what should I do while you do it?
- Working from home: same room, different rooms, or one of us goes to a cafe?
- Which one weekday evening would be entirely yours, and which one mine?
- Do you want a shared calendar, or does that feel like being managed?
- Which small daily ritual from your life now do you not want to lose?
Why this matters. Big values rarely wreck a shared home; small rhythms do, repeated every day, 365 times a year. Question 41 asked honestly, not aspirationally, prevents a familiar surprise of the first month: discovering that "we are both morning people" was true of neither of you.
The exit plan
- If this does not work, who moves out, and how do we decide?
- What happens to a 12-month lease if one of us leaves in month four?
- How do we split the things we bought together: whoever paid, whoever uses it, or sell and share?
- Would you rather agree all of this now, or does planning for failure feel like predicting it?
- Is moving in a step toward marriage for you, a test, or the goal itself?
- What would make you say "this is not working" out loud rather than just enduring it?
- If we broke up, would you want to stay friends, and does living together change that?
- Who keeps the pet?
- How much notice would you want before I moved out, two weeks, a month, and how much would you give me?
- Twelve months from now, what would tell us this was the right decision?
Why this matters. Talking about the exit is not a lack of faith; it is the difference between a breakup and a breakup with a 12-month lease dispute attached. Question 55 is the quiet one: two people can move in together for different reasons and both be right, as long as they know it.
What to do with the answers
You do not need matching answers to move in well. What you need is to know where the answers differ, how much each of you cares, and which differences have a system behind them: a chores rota, a two-night guest rule, a number for rent. Keep the answers, dated, and reread them 90 days in; the flat will have changed some of them, and knowing which ones is the real result of this list.
If you are still deciding whether this is the right person to share a lease with at all, our questions to ask before getting serious come first. And for a lighter version of the same habit, the would you rather questions for couples are an easier way to keep talking once the boxes are unpacked. If you are wondering how two temperaments fit before any of this, that is what SoulMatcher's compatibility profile is built to show.
These articles are for information only. They are not a substitute for consulting a psychologist, psychotherapist or other qualified specialist.
