Are You Dating Someone with Alcohol Use Disorder? 11 Signs You’re Dating an Alcoholic

Take one clear step now: if repeated drinking leads to missed work, unsafe situations, or threats to your safety, set a firm boundary and arrange a medical assessment within 7–14 days while you secure immediate support for yourself. That action does not necessarily label your partner forever, but it protects you and opens the door to care for the person who may be struggling.

Hard data matters: an estimated 14.5 million adults in the U.S. meet criteria for alcohol use disorders, and many people mask problems by switching brands, hiding bottles, or drinking only at times that minimize detection. Watch for physical cues such as feeling flushed after small amounts, lowered inhibitions that lead to risky choices, or escalating tolerance where normal amounts stop producing the same effect. Behavioral changes often show first: secretive trips, unexplained memory gaps, increased stress, or arguments that center on alcohol rather than the relationship.

Address underlying drivers directly: depression, anxiety, trauma and high-stress jobs commonly push people into heavier drinking, and co-occurring mental health disorders demand parallel treatment. Encourage evaluation that includes both medical screening and a behavioral plan; options range from outpatient counseling and medication-assisted treatment to a structured program or brief inpatient stabilization. Invite them to attend an intake appointment with you if they welcome support, and connect with clinicians who specialize in substance use and dual diagnoses.

Protect your wellbeing while they seek help: temporarily remove access to alcohol at home if you can do so safely, document incidents that threaten safety, and prioritize the ones–friends, family, or professionals–who can support you. You must not carry responsibility for another adult’s recovery, but you can offer clear limits, compassionate encouragement, and referrals to people and resources seeking to help others move into recovery. If you feel unsafe at any point, call emergency services immediately; otherwise, schedule a concrete follow-up step and begin your own support, such as individual therapy or a support group.

Observable Signs and Daily Patterns

Start a 14-day drinks log that records number of drinks, time of day, mood and triggers; if sessions reach 4+ drinks for women or 5+ drinks for men more than once a week, arrange a clinical evaluation.

Track mornings specifically: persistent morning drinking, requests for a “hair of the dog,” or needing alcohol to steady the hands indicate physiological dependence. Note that withdrawal can begin within 6–12 hours after the last drink and usually becomes clinically significant by 24–72 hours; if theyre showing tremor, sweating, severe agitation or confusion, seek immediate medically supervised care.

Observe mood and behavior shifts across days. Rapid swings between flat affect and hostile responses, frequent irritability under stress, or withholding of information about spending or drinks point to alcohol affecting decision-making and relationships. Record duration and intensity of hostile episodes and how they correlate with recent drinks.

Measure quantity and timing: count standard drinks per day, the number of drinking days per week, and the time between waking and first drink. A pattern of heavy weekend binges plus 2–3 weekday drinks signals significantly elevated risk for health and social harm.

Watch physical signs: flushed face, bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, slowed reaction time, or unexplained weight changes. Flushed skin and frequent nighttime sweating often precede more serious withdrawal symptoms; document them with dates so clinicians have meaning when assessing severity.

Note social patterns. Withholding of plans, avoiding family events, and declining activities they once enjoyed suggest alcohol drives priorities. Those behaviors usually increase as tolerance rises and responsibilities slip.

Use the table below as a concise guide to common observable patterns and recommended actions; fill it out with observations and share it with a provider or during intake for outpatient or inpatient care.

Keep the log objective: dates, times, exact counts, and mood scores from 1–10 help clinicians and you keep mind clear about patterns. If you live in illinois or another state, locate local addiction medicine clinics and call ahead to verify inpatient and outpatient availability; many programs use the same screening metrics and accept self-referrals.

Use this practical edition-style checklist as your working document: fill it daily for two weeks, highlight trends that worsen, and bring it to appointments. When signs increase or withdrawal appears, prioritize medically supervised care rather than attempting abrupt cessation at home.

Changes in sleep, appetite, and physical appearance

Start tracking concrete signs immediately: log sleep hours, night awakenings, appetite changes, and visible physical changes for at least two weeks, and seek medical evaluation if sleep averages under 6 hours or over 9 hours, weight shifts exceed about 5% in a month, or you observe repeated mornings when your partner appears intoxicated.

Look for clear patterns rather than isolated incidents–sleep swings, either insomnia or excessive sleep, often accompany alcohol use as a coping response to daily stresses and can lead to daytime fatigue, concentration problems, and hostile mood shifts that affect the relationship. Appetite swings may show as sudden loss of interest in food or carb-heavy binges; chronic alcohol use causes nutrient deficiencies that manifest as dry skin, facial redness, broken capillaries, tremors, poor dental health, and faster visible decline than typical aging.

Document behaviors accurately: note frequency of intoxicated episodes, whether alcohol is kept at home, missed work or canceled plans, and any negative effects on friends or family contact. Possibly share the log with a primary care clinician or addiction experts for objective review; ask for basic labs (LFTs, CBC, thiamine/B12) and a behavioral treatment referral if findings suggest dependent use or greater physical risk. Set boundaries, remove alcohol from common areas when safe, and involve trusted friends for support if your partner reacts hostile or denies the problem. Contact emergency services immediately if safety is at stake.

Tracking frequency, quantity, and secret stashes

Keep a timestamped drinking log for two weeks: record date, start and end time, exact number of standard drinks, location, who was present, and any hidden containers you find.

• Define a standard drink: 12 oz beer (~5% ABV) = 14 g pure alcohol, 5 oz wine (~12% ABV) = 14 g, 1.5 oz distilled spirits (40% ABV) = 14 g.
• Use measurable thresholds to flag risk: men >14 drinks/week or >4 per occasion; women >7 drinks/week or >3 per occasion. Mark each heavy-drinking day and calculate percent heavy days over the 14-day log.
• Track patterns: number of drinking days, average drinks per drinking day, longest sober gap. If average drinks/day >2 or percent heavy days >20%, treat that as a formal warning for outreach.

Log hidden stashes with date, exact location, description (bottle size, label, signs of recent use). Common stash sites: under sinks, car compartments, pet food containers, laundry piles, or behind skin-care boxes. Look for subtle flags such as condensation, missing purchase receipts, unusual trash, or sticky spots on shelves.

1. Document effects you observe: slurred speech, tremor, flushed skin, unexplained bruises, sleep disruptions, frequent conflicts, driving after drinking, neglect of pets, or missed work. Record specific dates and short objective notes – avoid opinion language.
2. If the partner reacts defensively, step back and protect your safety. If you encounter abusive behavior, call local domestic-violence resources and move pets and important documents to a safe location.
3. Share findings directly only when safe: use factual statements (dates, counts, observed behavior) and a calm tone. Then offer specific options: outpatient evaluation, physician appointment, or a time-limited boundary such as no alcohol in shared spaces.

Practical steps for helping and outreach:

• Bring one log page to a primary-care visit or outpatient counselor; concrete numbers shorten intake and speed referral.
• Invite a trusted friend or family member to a brief meeting if you need support – everyone involved should know the documented flags and safety plan.
• Offer positive, actionable help: arrange one appointment, drive to intake, or research local support groups; small gestures often lead to engagement.

Emotional and relational guidance:

• Avoid blaming language that can lower self-esteem; instead state how specific behaviors affect you and the relationship (for example: “When I find hidden bottles, I worry about safety and our bills”).
• Balance clear boundaries with consistent follow-through so that love and accountability coexist; inconsistent responses can lead to more secrecy or escalate conflicts.
• Recognize subtle signs of recovery too: longer sober gaps, reduced secret stashes, improved sleep, more reliable care of pets, and fewer social withdrawals.

Data-driven flags that should prompt immediate action or professional help: any physical violence, driving under the influence, daily drinking that increases, new secret stashes, or alcohol-withdrawal symptoms (sweating, tremor, nausea, severe anxiety). For those flags, arrange medical clearance and consider outpatient treatment or urgent medical evaluation.

Keep copies of logs in a safe place, update them after major incidents, and use them during conversations or clinical visits. This methodical, evidence-based record reduces guessing, helps others understand the severity, and makes outreach and helping more effective.

Growing tolerance: needing more to get the same effect

Document daily standard drinks (one standard drink = ~14 g alcohol) and act when intake increases: set a short safety plan, remove access to extra bottles, and book a psychol assessment for your partner within two weeks to assess long-term risk.

Tolerance shows as a need for larger quantities to reach the same high; a rise from 1–2 drinks to 3–6 per occasion over 1–3 months often signals metabolic or psychol form tolerance. Contrary to the idea that tolerance requires constant intoxication, it can build silently between episodes and remain not obvious until amounts double or drinking becomes recurrent.

Track consumption with simple logs or an app, and compare drinking patterns across days and settings. In an intimate couple, share that data calmly: knowing exact counts reduces argument and helps a family clinician see patterns quickly. Do not let “somehow it’s fine” thinking make you ignore driving, medication interactions, or mixing substances – alcohol plus other substances raises overdose risk.

Watch for signs that tolerance has shifted into dependence: recurrent morning drinking as a reliever for anxiety, seeking alcohol before social events, or needing higher doses despite negative consequences. Decide together whether a temporary medical detox or outpatient treatment suits the situation; the difference becomes clear when withdrawal symptoms appear or when alcohol becomes the primary way to feel normal.

Follow best practice: get a medical evaluation, involve an addiction specialist if drinking exceeds recommended limits, and add couple or family therapy to address enabling behaviors. Millions of people live with hazardous use; ensuring timely assessment, arranging follow-up appointments, and seeking support groups reduce risks and help the couple make safer, informed choices.

Withdrawal signs after cutting back or missing drinks

Contact emergency services immediately if someone develops severe tremors, confusion, vivid hallucinations, seizures, high fever, dangerously high blood pressure, or becomes violent after cutting back or missing drinks.

Common timelines and hard numbers help guide action: mild symptoms (anxiety, tremor, sweating) often start within 6–12 hours, alcohol hallucinosis and marked autonomic changes typically appear 12–48 hours, withdrawal seizures most often occur 24–48 hours, and delirium tremens (DTs) tends to emerge 48–72 hours. About five percent of severe withdrawals progress to DTs; seizures occur in roughly 3–5% of severe cases, and untreated DTs carry a significantly higher mortality rate (commonly cited in the 5–15% range). Monitor closely for at least 72 hours after the last drink, and extend observation if risk factors exist.

Look beyond the obvious signs. Less dramatic indicators include insomnia, low energy, nausea, tremulousness while resting, intense anxiety, rapid heart rate, profuse sweating, dehydration, and appetite loss. People whose liver function is impaired – jaundice, ascites, low albumin – face higher complication risk because metabolic clearance and medication tolerance change. Functional drinkers who maintain work and relationships still suffer dangerous withdrawals when the daily amount falls suddenly.

Clinical suggestions: assess severity with a validated scale (CIWA-Ar), administer thiamine and balanced fluids, correct electrolytes, and arrange benzodiazepine-based tapering under medical supervision when scores indicate moderate to severe withdrawal. Hospitalize anyone with prior withdrawal seizures, previous DTs, severe psychiatric issues, acute intoxication with other sedatives, unstable vitals, or signs of hepatic failure such as jaundice. Avoid giving alcohol as a treatment; withholding professional care increases risk.

If you’re dating someone showing withdrawal, consider safety and practical steps: stay with them if you can do so safely, remove driving keys and weapons, document symptoms and timing, contact their healthcare provider or addiction services, and keep a short list of emergency contacts. Use clear boundaries about supplying alcohol and about medical follow-up; encourage evaluation at a detox or emergency unit for those whose daily amount was large or whose prior withdrawals were severe. Offer specific help – arranging transport, calling services, or attending an intake appointment – and seek support for yourself if their behaviors become unpredictable or violent.

Behavioral and Emotional Red Flags

Set clear boundaries now: write dates, specific incidents and your non-negotiable actions (e.g., no money for alcohol, no driving them home) and share them calmly when you talk.

Below are concrete signs to track: repeated nights drunk, unexplained absences from work, increased irritability, frequent beer purchases, and sudden high tolerance for alcohol (needing more to feel the same effect).

Look for patterns of secrecy and minimization – a game of downplaying quantities or blaming stress. There is evidence in bank records, receipts for alcohol purchase, and text messages that contradict verbal claims.

If they appear addicted, expect mood swings, withdrawal symptoms, and more defensive responses even when you point out clear problems. Note days they miss commitments or sleep excessively; these data help clinicians assess severity.

Your energy and love will show the impact: you might feel drained, anxious, or compelled to fix problems for them. Keep a short log of incidents and how you cope so conversations stay focused and factual rather than emotional.

Act directly when safety is at risk: call emergency services for severe intoxication, arrange a medical evaluation for withdrawal risk, or contact inpatient programs if detox is required. Use local resources and a community guide to locate outpatient counseling, sober living options, and support groups.

When they refuse help, enforce boundaries without justification or negotiation: limit access to shared funds, refuse to purchase alcohol, and involve a therapist or addiction specialist. Bring your documented evidence to appointments and ask about practical treatment types and timelines.

Protect your well-being across days and weeks: prioritize sleep, social support, and therapy for yourself, and consult legal or child-protection resources if their behavior endangers others. Provide offers of support that specify actions you will take and supports you can help them access.