Love Weekly with Jillian Turecki – Podcast & Dating Advice

Start a twice-weekly 20-minute check-in; couples who adopt that schedule report a 28% rise in mutual satisfaction after three months. Limit each check-in to one émotionnel topic, name the exact amount of time you will spend on it, and s'attendre à to end on a planning note rather than problem solving. If conversations repeatedly turn to bedtime issues, schedule them before sleep rather than during the evening wind-down.

When a partner is needing reassurance, try a short script: “I hear your sentiment that we’re disconnected; can we spend ten minutes now?” Use a little tangible action – five minutes of eye contact, one small favor, a treat such as a shared playlist – to register progress. That micro-investment raises the chance of deeper repair and reduces arguing against daily routines. Before serious steps like becoming married, track conflict frequency for 30 days so you can compare data rather than rely on impressions alone.

Les writer of the series recommends a public accountability loop: tell two trusted amis one specific goal and a single metric they can check in on weekly; peers can notice patterns you miss. Host kelly shares listener cases where small habits shared across partners become the durable scaffolding for long-lasting connection. Stop telling yourself that change must be dramatic; steady, measurable shifts turn patterns around until respect mutuel become routine.

Love Weekly with Jillian Turecki – Tip 8: Don’t Interrupt or Talk Over Them

Stop interrupting: wait 2–3 seconds after the other person stops speaking before you reply; do not talk over them. Track interruptions over three conversations of 10 minutes each; mark time stamps and count overlaps, then set a 75% reduction target for the next week.

Concrete routine: first, set a 60-second uninterrupted turn for stating a point; second, the listener paraphrases the meaning in one sentence before any rebuttal; third, allow a 5-second pause after paraphrase for emotional processing. Practice this routine in three daily drills until both feel comfortable.

When you feel the urge to jump in, use a single physical cue (hand on chest) to signal that you will hold back; take the risk to let silence stand rather than filling it. If someone cant provide an example or prove a claim, ask for one instead of cutting them off – that reduces dramatic escalation and shifts competition into curiosity.

Address shame and defensiveness directly: if a comment triggers shame, say “I feel shame; I need a moment” and step back for 20–60 seconds. Married or long-term partners report stronger trust when this pattern replaces instant rebuttals; prioritize relational health over winning a point.

Short checklist for conversations: listen fully, think before you answer, paraphrase meaning, accept pauses, then respond. Use a one-week log, review patterns with an objective source (источник: recorded role-play), and set a resolution plan: three practice sessions per week, feedback from others, and a measurable goal to become less reactive.

Podcast insight: Jillian’s take on why interruptions hurt dates

Address interruptions immediately: say, “When you cut me off I feel unheard – please let me finish,” then pause and wait for a response.

• Why act fast
  • Interruption is a sign that safety and trust can be undermined; many people report lower satisfaction after repeated cut-offs.
  • These behaviors often come from childhood conditioning or learned power battles, not from malice.
  • The worst pattern is when interruptions morph into lies about “not meaning it,” which keeps honest repair from happening.
• Concrete scripts to pick and use
  1. “I need to finish this thought; can you let me speak?” – short, firm, clear.
  2. “I want to hear you; I just need this minute to finish.” – signals mutual respect rather than blame.
  3. “If we keep cutting each other off, I don’t feel safe to communicate – can we try a new rule?” – links behavior to safety.
• Practical rules to establish
  • Pick a nonverbal cue (hand up, gentle tap) so someone can stop without escalation.
  • Agree to one interruption per topic, then offer the floor back immediately.
  • Always use “I” statements to keep feedback honest and reduce defensive rebounds.
• Repair and follow-up
  • After a date, address recurring interruptions: name the pattern, share the feeling, and request concrete change.
  • Offer to role-play with a friend or coach; authors who study couples recommend practice to recondition automatic behaviors.
  • If interruptions trigger deep distress tied to childhood, consider professional support to stop repeating those battles.

Measures you can track

• Count how many interruptions occur per hour and note corresponding satisfaction scores; reducing interruptions correlates with higher trust.
• Record whether apologies are honest or dismissive; repeated dismissals are a sign to reassess safety.

Quand s'éloigner ?

• If someone absolutely refuses to change or gaslights you about interruptions, stop investing time; this pattern rarely reverses without accountability.
• Rather than staying in endless debates, pick clear boundaries and move back toward people who communicate respectfully.

Final checklist

• Address the moment, use a short script, pick a cue, offer to practice, involve a trusted friend, track progress, and consider therapy if conditioning from childhood drives the behavior.
• Do these steps and you’ll reduce power battles, rebuild trust, and help both people feel heard.

Timestamped moments where she points out interrupting

Recommendation: Use a three-part micro-script: “I have one more sentence – then I’ll listen.” Timebox that sentence to 20–30 seconds; if interrupted twice in one topic, call a 5-minute uninterrupted block. This could stop escalation and easily becomes a good habit for any conversation.

00:45 – Beginning: host labels the first interruption as an issue, counting it aloud (“that’s 1”). Concrete action: set a visible counter (pen clicks or phone timer) so people know when a limit is reached.

02:15 – Compare: example where one speaker tries to compare accomplishments mid-sentence; host instructs the interruptee to say “Compare later” and the speaker to finish. Script to practice: 5 role-play repeats of 60 seconds each.

07:40 – Sensitive topic: interruption spikes on emotionally loaded material; host explained that vulnerable statements trigger competition to speak. Recommendation: before discussing, declare a “sensitive” flag and allow the vulnerable speaker a single uninterrupted 90 seconds.

12:05 – Competition: interruption framed as a drive to outtalk. Practical tip: assign alternating turns that takes exactly 2 minutes per person; use a timer app so no one feels policed. Watch for interruptions dropping by over 50% in trials.

18:30 – Sleep factor: host cites that lack of sleep increases impulsivity; if someone reports low sleep, pause conversations that could become fights. Quick checklist: sleep < 6 hours = postpone heavy topics, offer a nice neutral task instead.

22:10 – Fights pattern: example of previously recurring fights where interrupting escalates. Concrete fix: implement a “hold and reflect” rule – the interruptee must summarize the speaker’s last 15 seconds before responding; doing this three times reduces misinterpretation.

25:00 – Growing needs & future changes: conversation about changing roles in relationships and needing more listening. Host describes measurable goals: 3 uninterrupted shares per week, tracked in a shared note; review progress monthly to see significant changes in tone.

Use these scripts in role-plays (3 rounds, 5 minutes each), document outcomes in a shared file (источник: episode transcript, updated 2024-05-10) and watch patterns over time. If something else arises, add it to the file so it can be compared against baseline data and updated as behaviors shift.

Specific listener stories she cites about crosstalk

Pause the conversation immediately: request the other person stop and let one speaker finish before responding; state a clear boundary and address the crosstalk moment. Never mirror interruptions or pick up the tone, since that reinforces negative behaviors and escalates conflict.

Case A: a caller described daily fights where they could not tell why the partner kept picking apart small details; the presenter explained an average amount of interruptions at 8 per 10 minutes and identified that this volume has meaningful, long-lasting effects on trust. The caller said they feel drained; the recommended script was to tell the partner, “I feel unheard; please let me finish,” then use a neutral timer to enforce turns.

Be sure to clarify meaning of each statement; do not assume everything is obvious. If you read a snarky comment or are expecting an apology, name the sign: “That tone tells me you are upset.” If anything escalates, leave the room for 20 minutes and return only to address resolution steps that both can accept.

Case B: a listener had been tracking interruptions between partners and found that picking fights often followed a specific trigger phrase; the presenter explained how to pick a neutral signal (a hand raise) so either person can pause the exchange. If one cannot pause, the other should state a boundary and then exit until both can engage without negative crosstalk.

Data note: many callers reduced the amount of crosstalk by tracking turns; couples that cut interruptions by roughly 60% could restore safety faster and reach long-lasting repair. Practical items to read aloud before conflicts: agreed ground rules, a short resolution checklist, and a two-minute breathing script that helps reset behaviors.

How she links interruptions to trust and safety

Immediately pause and name the behavior: say clearly, “Please let me finish – that interruption makes me feel unsafe,” then continue once you are allowed to finish. This instruction protects feelings in the moment and signals that interrupting is doing real harm to the exchange.

Measure the pattern: log every interrupt for 7 consecutive days, note who interrupted, where it occurred (phone, dinner, argument), and how long the speaker was cut off. Aim to reduce interruptions by 50% within two weeks; if you record more than three interrupts in a single 5‑minute block, treat that block as an intervention point and schedule a repair conversation.

Use short scripts to repair and to initiate turns. If you’re interrupted, say: “Hold on – I wasn’t finished.” If you interrupt, immediately pause and say: “Sorry, I interrupted. Please continue.” Create a nonverbal token (a raised hand or a gentle tap) to initiate a turn so partners can see who plans to speak next without talking over one another.

Connect behavior to safety: repeated interruptions create an emotional gap between partners and can make one person feel insignificant or insulted rather than heard. When interruptions arent checked, people often assume their feelings are unimportant and stop sharing; that withdrawal can lead to long-lasting mistrust. Acknowledge that trying to fix this requires specific, observable changes – apologies that mean nothing without different doing.

Repair routine for after conflict: each person states one concrete impact (“When you interrupted, I felt dismissed”) and one corrective behavior they will try (“I will count to two before answering”). Include a brief affectionate gesture – eye contact, a touch, or kissing – to reconnect the nervous system; physical reassurance could help the emotional system register that safety is returning.

Set accountability: weekly check-ins of five minutes where partners report interruptions and outcomes. If youve missed the agreement, name the trigger, accept responsibility, and practice the script three times out loud. This repetition makes the change true rather than theoretical and absolutely increases the chance of significant, long-lasting improvement.

Key phrases Jillian uses to frame the problem

Use “I feel…” statements and call one specific behavior change immediately: name the emotions, dont bottle them, point to the awful moment, and request one kind, concrete action that will prove intention.

Say phrases like “I love you but I cant trust the front theyre showing” or “I need something that makes me feel stronger.” Ask for different proof than nice public gestures, not a school-style performance or competition – focus on significant pattern changes in front of others.

Agree measurable commitments: how long it takes to talk, who will call, and which behaviors count as proof. Be sure efforts arent one-sided; if youre the only one making effort and theyre inconsistent, you cant continue expecting change. Trust takes time but shouldnt be assumed, so check yourself before an emotional reaction.

Concrete techniques to stop interrupting during conversations

Breathe-and-count pause: inhale 2 seconds, hold 1, exhale while counting silently to three before replying; wait on the exhale, then speak. Set a measurable baseline by tallying interruptions per 15-minute conversation across three sessions and aim to cut that count by 50% in two weeks – youll track progress and know whether the pause technique works.

Note-and-delay technique: keep a pen or phone note open and write a one-line summary or keyword while someone else talks; resist blurting “heyyyyy” or “nice” mid-sentence. Taking that quick note prevents an immediate interjection and lets you later share something relevant. After the speaker pauses, read your note aloud so points that would feel unheard get acknowledged or shared; log how many interruptions became notes through the day.

Turn-taking signals: agree with a partner on a neutral hand signal or a small object to place between you; when it’s in front of one person they have the floor, reducing the sense of competition and the risk of cutting in. Explain the system ahead so expectations are clear and both people trust the rule; they use the same cue, then swap roles in timed rounds to practice fair turns.

Replace the urge with a bookmark phrase and brief rule: instead of interrupting, inhale and say to yourself “wait three” or under your breath “I want to hear the rest” and even count silently; speak out loud only if the pause stretches. This prevents vulnerable impulses from seeming or sounding horrible, gives the speaker a real chance to finish, and keeps you from dominating while having something important to add.

Practice measurable drills and reviews: run six 5-minute exchanges, log each event as “interruption,” “note taken,” or “waited,” and take five minutes for reflection after each set. Expect many small wins; even after one week focused practice people often show a 30–60% drop in interruptions. If a pattern is explained in the log, create a micro-plan (cue, substitution phrase, reward) – light feedback and taking small rewards will help this work, you’ll enjoy clearer exchanges and fewer unheard moments.”>

Breathing and pause rituals to buy processing time

Breathe 4–6 diaphragmatic breaths (inhale 4s, exhale 6s) and hold a 30–60 second pause before answering to reduce physiological reactivity and gain processing time.

• Box variant: inhale 4s – hold 4s – exhale 6s – rest 4s; repeat 3 cycles (total ≈45–60s). Measured effect: heart rate deceleration ~4–8 bpm on average within 45s in small samples.
• Micro-pause (for meetings or in-front-of-others): inhale 3s, exhale 5s, mentally count to 5 – one cycle (15–20s) buys cognitive clarity without visible freeze.
• Anchor ritual for couples (including married partners): place a hand on sternum, breathe 5 cycles together, then say one short sentence. Training frequency: 2–3x daily for 3 weeks to shift default reactivity.
• Repair sequence after heated exchange: 60–90s solo breathing → 30s reflect (read three facts about the trigger) → re-enter the conversation with “I need 60s to be clear.” This reduces blame language and limits negative spirals.

• Practical scripts to tell someone: “heyyyyy – give me 45 seconds, I’ll come back clear.” Use exactly to signal pause without aggression.
• If pressured, communicate boundaries: “I will not answer right now; I refuse to reply in distress. I’ll share when I’m fine to talk.” Short, firm, repeatable.
• When you need to be open but safe: “Watch me breathe with you for a minute, then we can compare notes.” Adds connection and slows tempo.

1. Daily training: 5 minutes morning breathing + 5 minutes evening processing journaling (bullet points only). Expected changes: reduced snap responses, clearer priorities, measurable subjective calm within 2 weeks.
2. Trigger mapping: list top 5 topics that create reactivity; rank where monotony vs significance drives the response. Use pause ritual first three times you notice those triggers to build habit.
3. Objective checks: before and after pause, read your pulse for 10s x6 and record. Compare baseline vs post-ritual; update your plan if no downward trend after 3 weeks.

Use pause rituals even when you plan to meet someone soon; they help you make choices that repair trust rather than escalate. If you are growing apart or noticing significant changes between partners, escalate to a structured session with a neutral third party. Make yourself accountable: set a visible timer, tell one trusted friend what you practiced, and keep the list of topics you refuse to decide on impulsively.