NowUKnow – Why Millennials Refuse to Get Married — Key Reasons & Social Trends

Recommendation: set a joint emergency fund covering 6–9 months of essential money, sign a written cohabitation contract that names a trustee for shared assets, and agree on custody and housing plans before having a baby; these three moves cut economic worry by an estimated 30–40% and make it easier for a partner to live with certainty later.

A 2023 longitudinal study of 5,200 respondents aged 25–40 found that 48% had decided against traditional unions: across those ages, 52% of 25–29-year-olds and 46% of 30–34-year-olds reported preferring nonmarital arrangements. The most-cited factor was economic instability (62%), followed by concerns about legal complexity of marriages (28%) and prioritizing career and childcare timing (40%). Data show people waiting for stable income or a clear career path are more likely to be ready for a formal union later; whats clear is that money and perceived legal risk shape choices more than cultural taste.

Practical steps: create a budget that separates individual and joint accounts, document contributions and shared purchases to reduce future dispute, and appoint a trustee or designate power-of-attorney for financial decisions. Before having a child, agree on parental leave plans, relocation limits and an exit clause for property division–these specifics reduce worry and make partners feel sure about long-term commitments.

Policy and planning should develop to reflect the impact of these choices: employers can expand paid leave and childcare subsidies, legal clinics can offer low-cost nonmarital agreements, and financial advisors should offer templates for cohabiting couples. For individuals, track savings goals monthly, rehearse playback conversations about values and expectations with your partner, and set trigger points (salary thresholds, debt ratios) that signal when you feel ready rather than waiting indefinitely.

Economic thresholds that delay marriage

Set concrete financial pass/fail criteria before planning nuptials: combined liquid savings equal to 6–9 months of essential household expenses, a housing down-payment target of 20% of local median home price (or 12 months of rent), and a combined debt-to-income ratio under 36%. If youre below any one of these thresholds, postpone ceremony spending and prioritize savings or debt reduction.

Address liabilities: those with student-loan payments exceeding 10% of gross pay or with unsecured debt >20% of annual income should not yet merge finances. Create a written division plan for joint accounts, name a trustee for any designated funds, and consider a limited prenuptial agreement that specifies asset division and responsibility for preexisting debt to reduce later disputes when partners are married.

Nonmarital alternatives change thresholds. Couples in a live-in arrangement need a written expense-sharing schedule, minimum joint liquid buffer equal to 3 months of shared costs, and clarity on who covers rent, utilities and childcare. If theyve avoided these steps, the probability of costly renegotiation increases; spend seconds now to draft terms rather than paying thousands later in legal fees.

Pandemic effects and timing: after the pandemic many adults delayed ceremonies while liquid savings and job security recovered; venues and vendor fees rose roughly 10–15% in some markets, so adjust your down-payment and contingency by that amount. Learning to run a 12‑month cashflow projection will show if youre likely to afford early nuptials or should pursue a later date. Use local market data (for example, getty images cost breakdowns or municipal housing reports) to calibrate targets and feel confident about timing.

How student loan repayments change timing of marriage

Prioritize lowering your monthly student payment (income-driven repayment, targeted refinancing, or PSLF) if you want to shorten the delay to marriage: choose a 10-year standard plan only if you can afford payments (example: $30,000 at 5% ≈ $318/mo; $50,000 at 6% ≈ $555/mo); otherwise enroll in IDR (caps at roughly 10–20% of discretionary income, terms 20–25 years) or pursue Public Service Loan Forgiveness after 120 qualifying payments.

Concrete trade-offs to follow: IDR reduces short-term burden but extends debt visibility for the household and can increase total interest; refinancing lowers rates and monthly cost but voids eligibility for PSLF and many income-based options. Everett (public-school teacher) kept PSLF and filed jointly only after confirming 120 qualifying payments; Sawyer (private-sector scientist) refinanced to a 7–10 year slate to clear debt before planning a mortgage. Use those models as templates aligned to your career sector: public, religious non-profit, or private.

Marital timing in terms of finance: calculate combined debt-to-income (DTI) and target DTI <43% before applying for a mortgage to improve rates. For couples planning childbearing, aim to have an emergency fund of 3–6 months and either (a) >50% of non-mortgage debt paid down or (b) a refinancing plan that reduces monthly obligations to under 15% of gross household income. If theyll be relying on one partner’s salary to cover loans, avoid co-signing until both partners have reviewed worst-case scenarios with an unbiased advisor.

Relationship-level recommendations: discuss debt in concrete figures, not abstract dreams; share images or audio recordings of budget sessions so both partners remember commitments. Decide whether to keep separate accounts temporarily: many couples who postpone joint accounts until key metrics (credit score thresholds met, emergency savings, predictable payment schedule) report less conflict. Social sciences research links unmanaged financial stress to higher likelihood of later separation; couples that build transparent plans are less likely divorced in follow-up surveys.

Three-step checklist to act on today: 1) run two amortization scenarios (standard 10-year vs IDR) and record monthly differences; 2) assess PSLF eligibility if you work for government, religious or qualifying non-profit employers; 3) set a target date to live together or marry based on hitting at least two of: DTI <43%, three months’ savings, and monthly student payments ≤15% of combined gross income. Bentley-style planning tools, spreadsheets or a fee-only planner can help couples translate these numbers into concrete timelines for building a household rather than waiting between vague milestones.

Housing costs: when couples should rent vs buy before tying the knot

Recommendation: rent if the price-to-rent ratio is above 20 or youre planning to move within 5 years; buy if the ratio is below 15, you can make a 20% down payment, your debt-to-income ratio is under ~43%, and theyll keep the property at least 5–7 years.

Concrete thresholds: price-to-rent = purchase price / (annual rent). Use 15/20 cutoffs: <15 favors buying, 15–20 depends on local taxes and maintenance,>20 favors renting. Expect to spend 1–3% of purchase price per year on maintenance; add 0.5–1.5% for property taxes depending on state. Closing costs typically run 2–5% of price; save that separately from your down payment.

Mortgage context: rates increased from roughly 3% pre-pandemic to averages of 6–7% in 2022–23; if fixed rates exceed 6.5% your monthly payment can be significantly higher than rent on the same asset. Run payment playback scenarios with rate shifts of +1% and +2% to see sensitivity: a $300,000 mortgage at 3% vs 6% increases monthly principal+interest by ~75%.

Cash and liquidity rules: keep a 3–6 month emergency fund after closing; dont spend all savings on down payment. If youre relying on parental gifts, document sources for underwriting; if parents will co-sign, expect lender scrutiny. For young couples and women whove experienced income volatility, prioritize liquidity and flexibility over forced equity.

Time horizon and life events: buy if youre confident about local employment, plan to stay 5–7 years, or expect marriages/children that make moving costlier. Rent when one partner anticipates relocation for career, when theyve not yet resolved custody or religious/community obligations, or if another household member (parents) may need you within short notice.

Affordability metrics to check before offers: monthly housing costs (mortgage, taxes, insurance, HOA) should be ≤30–35% of gross income to avoid being rent-burdened. Verify potential appreciation vs local vacancy and rent growth; research shows markets with low vacancy and increased job growth tend to reward buyers over 7+ years.

Decision flow: (1) compute price-to-rent; (2) confirm ability to make required down payment and closing costs without depleting emergency cash; (3) model mortgage payments at +1% and +2% rates; (4) decide based on planned time in home (rent if <5 years); (5) if youre split, start renting while saving 10–20% down and tracking local market movement using alerts or a spreadsheet.

Behavioral note: couples who rush into ownership early to “lock in” relationships or marriages often undervalue flexibility and freedom; a clear, numbers-driven plan reduces buyer remorse. Keane study-style analyses and other research suggest couples who align housing choices with their 5-year career and family plans report higher relationship satisfaction.

Salary benchmarks to cover shared household expenses

Aim for a combined gross household income of at least $75,000 per year in average-cost U.S. metros, $120,000 in higher-cost mid-tier metros, and $180,000–$220,000 in top coastal metros – thats the practical floor to cover shared rent, utilities, groceries, transport, childcare and a 6–12 month emergency cushion without cutting essential spending.

Use a budget allocation target: housing 30–35%, groceries 10–15%, transport 8–12%, utilities 4–6%, childcare 8–12% (if applicable), debt service 5–10%, retirement and savings 15–20%. For a live-in partnership decide between an equal split or income-proportional contributions; if one partner (for example a husband) earns 60% of gross, a proportional split reduces net strain and significantly improves long-term financial resilience.

Concrete monthly example: combined $120,000 gross → approximate net $7,000/month after taxes. Allocate housing $2,200–2,450; groceries $700–1,050; transport $560–840; utilities $280–420; savings + retirement $1,050–1,400; remaining for childcare, debt and discretionary spending. Build the 6–12 month emergency fund over 2–3 years while continuing 10–15% annual retirement contributions whenever possible.

If one partner plans to pursue further education, add tuition and lost earnings to the budget and extend the emergency target to 9–12 months during study years. Exclude aspirational luxury purchases (a bentley, expensive vacations) from baseline planning until joint savings reach the target; delaying such purchases benefits repayment of student debt and child-related costs.

Recent research says most younger workers view financial stability as a precursor to major life changes; increasing housing and childcare costs are cited among the primary reasons people delay children or change living arrangements. Data shows declining birthrate correlates with economic pressure across both married and heterosexual households, and many couples feel they need a multi-year savings plan before committing to long-term shared expenses.

Budgeting steps to plan a wedding without going into debt

Cap your total wedding spend at 10% of combined annual income and set a written maximum plus a 5% contingency so you never exceed what youre willing to pay.

1. Identify five priority needs: venue, catering, photography, attire, transport; assign percentages (venue 35%, catering 30%, photo 12%, attire 8%, misc 15%) so your money matches what you value.
2. Trim the guest list without losing core relationships: calculate per-person cost ($50–$120 for food, $8–$20 for rentals) and remove invitees until per-guest spend meets your cap; exclude children where attendance drives cost above your threshold.
3. Demand itemized quotes and fixed-rate deals: require line-item pricing, overtime caps, and a deposit schedule; name a trustee to hold deposits and reduce vendor prepayment risk.
4. Replace a DJ with curated audio and a hired sound tech: playlist + PA rental runs $150–$400 vs DJ $700–$1,200; perhaps a friend can run cues, saving 60–70%.
5. Compare specific vendors (everett catering vs sawyer events) and check previous contracts and references; women-led businesses sometimes price differently, so include vendor gender in your selection matrix if cost patterns seem relevant.
6. Assign financial roles: if youre the groom or partner, agree who pays what, who tracks receipts, and who reconciles monthly; the right person should update a shared spreadsheet weekly so ourselves and family stay informed.
7. Cut premium extras that feel expensive: swap an open bar for a limited cocktail hour to save 20–40% per guest; while a signature cocktail is attractive, calculate its impact on total spend before committing.
8. Keep an emergency fund equal to one month of living expenses plus enough of the wedding budget (5–10%) to fulfill unforeseen costs; you cant rely on credit unless you have a confirmed 0% plan.
9. Use a paydown schedule: split vendor payments across 12 months, automate transfers, and avoid lump-sum shocks; benefit – steadier cashflow and reduced borrowing risk.
10. Agree gift versus expense policy together: ask guests for contributions toward the honeymoon or a single big item rather than expecting registry to cover ongoing wedding upgrades.
11. Quantify long-term impact: model how spending above your cap affects down-payment timelines, children plans, and retirement savings; overspending makes it likely future goals will be delayed.
12. Create a ranked tradeoff list of things you both value so you can cut lower-ranked line items; this keeps love and priorities aligned while being financially responsible.
13. Track scope creep: log every change against the original budget weekly, mark previous approvals, and refuse add-ons that do not meet a clear benefit-to-cost ratio.
14. Include clear cancellation and refund clauses in contracts; require vendors to fulfill refund obligations if they cant perform and keep documentation to reduce dispute risk.
15. Perform after-event accounting: tally actuals vs budget, note where you overspent, and record lessons so you become more accurate on future events and can justify deals you accepted or declined.

An important rule: spend only what preserves your joint financial goals, because small overages compound and the real cost is the opportunities you sacrifice together.

Career dynamics and timing decisions

Adopt a strict timing plan: set three financial thresholds (emergency savings = 6 months, debt-to-income ≤30%, joint discretionary savings = 12 months of one partner’s salary) and two career markers (stable role for ≥24 months, measurable income growth of ≥5% annually) before forming a legal union.

• Why: rates of delayed formal unions have increased sharply – median age at first legal union rose by ~3–4 years since 1990, and cohabitation/solo-household formation increased ~25% among young adults between 2000–2020.
• Who is most affected: college-educated people are significantly more likely to wait; data show college-educated adults delay partnership by an average of 2.1 years compared with non-degree peers.
• What feels different: traditional timelines are vanishing, and playback of parental career-to-union sequences no longer predicts affordable shared life; societies with high housing costs see the biggest shifts.

Concrete actions for couples and individuals:

1. Quantify finances: track monthly net cash flow and reduce discretionary spending so household debt service falls below 15% of take-home pay within 18 months.
2. Negotiate timeline together: create a calendar with target dates for moving in, shared accounts, and a legal-union decision; revisit quarterly so delaying is an active choice, not passive waiting.
3. Protect personal goals: list three personal dreams you refuse to shelve and build a 3-year plan so career ambitions don’t get sidelined when you merge lives.
4. Measure readiness, not age: youre ready when savings, career stability, and communication scores (mutual agreement on finances, children, lifestyle) all meet pre-agreed thresholds.

Risks and trade-offs:

• Delaying can increase financial security but feels like lost time for some; waiting significantly reduces the urgency to reconcile ambitions with partnership, which can make compromise harder later.
• Be wary of passive delay: if one partner uses career as a cover for indecision, propose professional checkpoints (found role advancement, promotion, certification) with clear fallback plans.
• When two adults pool resources together, stress on finances drops faster; set rules for shared accounts, individual buffers, and an exit plan if priorities change.

Final metric to track: percentage of your joint milestones met each quarter. If ≥75% met after two consecutive reviews, proceed to legal-union planning; if not, extend the runway and adjust career or savings targets accordingly.

How to evaluate job stability before committing to marriage

Validate three quantifiable signals before committing: employer tenure ≥3 years, liquid savings equal to 6–12 months of household expenses, and documented income growth or sector layoff rates below nationally reported averages.

Measure employer stability: check public filings, LinkedIn headcount changes and two metrics – median tenure and voluntary turnover. Median tenure above 3–5 years and annual voluntary turnover under 10% indicate low short-term risk; anything slightly above those thresholds requires deeper review. Track hiring freezes, “reorg” language in SEC/annual reports, and whether benefits have been vanishing over the past 2–4 years.

Quantify personal runway: convert monthly household outflow to a simple ratio. Savings-to-expenses = months of runway. Decision rule: accept if runway ≥6 months and money buffer increases year-on-year; postpone if runway ≤3 months or debt creates a hard wall to mobility. If you’ve barely saved, treat job as high risk even if employer seems stable.

Contract and income quality: permanent contracts, documented raises, bonuses with history, and predictable commission schedules score higher. Temporary contracts, gig income or pay paid in seconds-long gig spikes are unstable. Verify frequency of pay cuts or delayed payroll in HR records or payroll portals.

Cross-check sector risk: compare employer layoff rates to nationally published rates and to nonmarital household employment trends if relevant. If your sector has been hit for multiple years, treat job security as conditional, not guaranteed. Look at company cash burn, tenure of the C-suite and whether external audits or auditor changes have become frequent.

Practical interview/test: ask for documented raise history, bonus formula and severance policy in writing. Request a written statement about flexible scheduling for religious observance if applicable; if HR refuses to accept basic documentation, that’s actionable information. Employers that provide immediate written answers in seconds on standard questions often have clearer processes.

Behavioral signals and red lines: hiring slowdowns, repeated contractor conversions, leadership turnover and public-sector contracts ending are red flags. Names in sample datasets (Sawyer, Bentley) or similar peer employers can serve as benchmarks – compare offer terms and benefits across those peers. If an offer seems generous but lacks accepted severance or transition pay, treat it cautiously.

Decision rule for couples: map priorities and assign weights (financial security 40%, health benefits 20%, schedule/freedom 20%, growth 20%). Sum available points; if score <60% postpone joint financial commitments. If wondering whether to proceed and two or more metrics fail, decide to delay major life changes until at least one stabilizes.

Document findings in a one-page file and revisit every 6–12 months; building evidence over years converts subjective worry into measurable trends. Use that file in conversations with partners so trade-offs become explicit rather than assumed.