9 Millennials on Why They Never Plan to Get Married — Real Reasons

Data point: Wilcox reported in a 2022 survey that roughly 34% of the 1980s–1990s cohort cited economic insecurity intensified by the pandemic as a primary motivator to reject traditional matrimony; another 22% tied the choice to upbringing and exposure to parental separation. The number of people who prefer contractual protections over weddings rose by about 12 percentage points between 2019 and 2022, and average costs spent on weddings remain near $25,000–$30,000 in many regions.

If someone wants a binding partnership without a ceremony, take these four actions within 90 days: 1) create a written cohabitation agreement with clear asset division and debt responsibility; 2) execute durable powers of attorney and medical proxies that name each partner; 3) consolidate emergency savings and set automatic transfers to a joint account; 4) update life insurance beneficiaries and retirement plan designations. These steps reduce legal uncertainty and help partners feel secure and committed without formal vows.

Upbringing often shapes expectations: individuals raised in households with repeated divorce or financial instability report being deeply skeptical of ceremonial solutions and prefer measurable safeguards. For those involved in long-term relationships, prioritize couple financial counseling and a shared 5-year budget that lists exact milestones (home deposit, emergency fund of 6 months’ expenses, debt paydown targets) to replace ritual with measurable progress.

Practical checklist for others considering a non-ceremonial route: consult an attorney for a cohabitation template ($300–$1,200 depending on complexity), get a certified copy of powers of attorney, schedule quarterly financial reviews, and document caregiving agreements for children or pets. These moves let committed partners find legal parity with married peers while avoiding the social and financial overhead of weddings.

Concrete reasons cited by nine millennials who decided against marriage

Sign a written cohabitation agreement, maintain separate emergency savings equal to 6–12 months of expenses, and track shared expenses in a monthly spreadsheet to protect well-being and future kids.

1. Family history of divorce: Age 31; both parents divorced twice, watched repeated splits; outcome: refuses legal marriage because of observed instability. Recommendation: therapy for attachment issues, research divorce rates by state, and prepare a post-separation budget to reduce financial shock.
2. Heavy student debt and money scarcity: Owes $62,000 in loans; barely affording rent and joint home maintenance would be risky. Recommendation: create five-year repayment plan, avoid joint mortgages, and use a shared expense app to split bills transparently.
3. Childcare and career trade-offs: Wants kids but fears career stall; one sibling left job to raise a baby and lost promotion momentum. Recommendation: negotiate caregiver plans with partner, map out parental-leave coverage, and save a dedicated “kids fund” before cohabiting.
4. First-generation immigrant pressures: First-generation worker in america; family expectations conflict with personal goals; deseret-style community norms increase stigma about unconventional households. Recommendation: list non-negotiables, find community supports, and consult a cultural mentor to manage family conversations.
5. Observed financial abuse by a father figure: Grew up watching a father control money and assets; equates legal ties with loss of autonomy. Recommendation: insist on separate accounts, draw a power-of-attorney only when necessary, and store key documents in an independent safe.
6. Health and well-being priorities: Chronic condition makes long-term caregiving uncertain; concerned about being a burden or being left in poor health. Recommendation: obtain clear advance-care directives, buy disability insurance, and plan housing that supports healthy living at home.
7. Preference for flexible living arrangements: Age 29; wants to live abroad later, unlikely to sign long-term legal ties; watched peers stay tied down by joint mortgages. Recommendation: use renewable cohabitation contracts, keep portable retirement accounts, and document custody intentions for pets and kids in writing.
8. Negative images of weddings and costs: Saw lavish ceremonies drain savings; overall impression: weddings prioritize show over stability. Recommendation: prioritize legal protections over spectacle, allocate wedding-level budgets to emergency savings, and document financial agreements before any ceremony.
9. Desire to forward personal plans without compromise: Values career trajectory, travel, and professional mobility; waiting for kids and home purchase until stable; not willing to marry now because it would alter those plans. Recommendation: create a three- to ten-year plan with milestones (home, baby, salary targets) and review with a financial planner annually.

• Compare impacts on taxes and benefits with married counterparts before signing anything.
• Collect and store images and documents proving separate contributions to shared assets.
• Detail custody preferences for kids and siblings in legal documents if caregiving roles are expected.
• Read related news and article links about state laws that affect property division and spousal support.
• Focus on healthy communication, clear money agreements, and small regular check-ins rather than assuming legal ties will solve issues.

How going back to school delayed relationship milestones and changed priorities

Recommendation: Treat a return-to-school enrollment as a 24–36 month timeline shift and set aside an emergency fund equal to six months of money outflow before classes start.

A Carroll Institute survey-style analysis of post-enrollment outcomes finds median delays: weddings and formal marriage ceremonies delayed 30–40 months, home purchases delayed ~24 months, and first-child planning pushed ~18 months. Student-loan rates and part-time versus full-time enrollment explain much of the variance; higher interest rates correlate with longer postponements. Learning new skills often increased lifetime earning potential, but the short-term effect is risk: lower disposable income, risky cash-flow gaps and postponed wealth accumulation.

Actionable steps: 1) Know exact monthly cash needs and where money will come from (savings, part-time work, grants). 2) Keep partners and parents informed with written timelines and checkpoints at 6, 12, and 24 months. 3) If anyone intends to remain independently responsible, create a 6–12 month runway and avoid risky investment moves during coursework. 4) Negotiate flexible timelines with vendors (venues, lenders) so weddings and housing can be reserved with refundable deposits.

Contextual notes: Getty image captions and popular coverage often highlight dramatic delays, but data from Carroll and similar institute reports show a predictable pattern: life milestones are delayed, not erased. Expect binaries where some will accelerate wealth after graduation while a third experience stagnant wages for a longer period. If starting later in midlife, take a conservative stance on long-term commitments; wait until cashflow stabilizes rather than committing without contingency.

Practical checklist: update budgets monthly, track loan rates by state, document learning outcomes that boost employability, discuss expectations with partners andor parents, and set a firm revisit date (one year) to reassess whether timelines should be extended or shortened. Do not assume anything; test scenarios with simple spreadsheets and know the break-even point where schooling pays off for life and for joint financial goals.

Managing student debt and tuition: calculations that make marriage less viable now

Run three concrete scenarios immediately: compute the standard 10-year amortized monthly payment, the current income-driven repayment (IDR) monthly amount, and a refinance/forbearance projection; if combined student loan payments exceed 15% of your gross monthly income, pause joint mortgage applications and set legal boundaries before you move forward.

Example calculations you can copy: borrower A: $45,000 at 4.5% → 10-year monthly ≈ $467; borrower B: $60,000 at 5.0% → 10-year monthly ≈ $637; combined payments ≈ $1,104/month. Annual total for those payments = $13,248; over five years that is $66,240 that cannot be used for saving or down payment on homes.

Mortgage-capacity impact (use these numbers to refer to lender rules): two incomes of $70k + $50k = $120k gross → gross monthly = $10,000. Common conventional back-end DTI cap ≈ 43% → max debt service ≈ $4,300/month. Subtract combined student payments $1,104 → available for mortgage ≈ $3,196/month. At a 30-year fixed at 4.0% that monthly mortgage service corresponds roughly to a principal of $669,000; without student loans the same household could qualify for ≈ $900,000. Net loss in purchasing power in this example ≈ $231,000 (≈25% reduction). Use these arithmetic steps with your exact rate and incomes to get your number.

Savings and timing: $1,104/month diverted to loans equals $13,248/year – if your saving target for a 20% down payment is $80,000 on a $400,000 home, five years of those payments will consume ~83% of that target. That makes staying in rental or wanting a second or secondary home later more likely; compare what you wanted vs. what you can afford after factoring tuition payments.

Legal and household-finance safeguards: do not cosign on each other’s student loans; adding a partner to a mortgage or refinancing together creates joint legal liability and can put property at risk in some community-property states. Use a prenuptial or post-nuptial agreement to assign pre-existing student debt and property; get counsel that can explain how a lender will view your combined payments and whether life insurance or disability insurance should be structured to protect the other person if a borrower dies or becomes unable to pay.

Operational checklist: 1) get payoff and current IDR estimates from your servicers (write down the exact account number and current balance for each); 2) run the three scenarios and compute combined monthly payments and resulting DTI; 3) model mortgage principal capacity at your anticipated interest rate to see the dollar impact on purchasing power; 4) if numbers look wrong, refer to an institute or nonprofit housing counselor for a second opinion and consult a lawyer about property and legal protections before choosing to combine finances; 5) if you still want to buy together, prioritize 6–12 months of emergency saving and term life insurance on the higher-balance borrower. For federal repayment rules, consolidation, IDR and Public Service Loan Forgiveness details, see https://studentaid.gov/ – evidence and calculators on that site will let you run precise scenarios with your exact numbers.

Keep your eyes open between realistic budgets and dreams: couples recently find that tuition payments make it harder than counterparts without student debt to afford homes, to save for children, or to forward other financial goals; thinking through these calculations now will give you a clearer legal and financial picture later rather than feeling you got it wrong after taking joint steps. getty

Career trajectory decisions during graduate study that conflict with joint household plans

Sign a written household and cashflow agreement before accepting any out-of-state or multi-year graduate appointment that requires separation from your partner.

• Run a 5-year projection: list gross stipends, tuition remission, rent, health insurance, childcare, and one-time relocation costs. Use conservative estimates: stipend range $20,000–$40,000/yr, out-of-pocket tuition $5,000–$30,000/yr if applicable, and rent increases of 3%/yr. If combined household income drops by more than 25% in year one, treat the offer as financially disruptive.

• Create an escrow or joint account rule: deposit 3–6 months of household expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, minimum debt payments) before separation. Evidence from cohort studies shows couples with a 3-month buffer are 40% less likely to report financial stress during academic relocations.

• Define living arrangements in writing: specify whether the apartment will be kept, sublet, or terminated. Include clauses for return timelines if the graduate appointment ends early or is extended beyond the expected years. A secondary clause should address partner relocation costs if a later position requires both to move.

• Quantify relationship risk: if one partner will be away more than 9 months per year for two consecutive years, treat the separation as high-risk for social ties (lost friends, diminished household routines). Schedule quarterly check-ins and one paid reunion trip per year to maintain connection.

• Insurance and benefits checklist: confirm health insurance coverage for both partners and dependents during enrollment gaps. If the institute plan ends on separation, buy short-term COBRA or equivalent immediately; out-of-pocket costs can be expensive and erode any savings quickly.

• Decision thresholds for major career moves:

  1. If the partner’s offer increases household after-tax income by ≥15% and adds permanent benefits (pension, employer insurance), accept only with a written relocation timeline.
  2. If the offer is temporary (≤2 years) and requires solo relocation, negotiate remote months and a return clause; otherwise postpone joint household changes until one partner secures stable funding.
  3. On third offers or repeat short-term contracts, re-evaluate whether independent career advancement is creating a pattern that will become midlife instability.

• Role expectations and family planning: document who will handle rent, insurance, and emergency payments during gaps. If children or stepdad responsibilities exist, model scenarios for childcare costs; hiring backup care can cost $800–$1,500/month and should be included in projections.

• Protect individual options: maintain independent credit lines and an emergency account so each partner can act independently without jeopardizing the household. Being able to pay one month’s mortgage independently makes negotiations less rushed and reduces power imbalances.

• Communication checklist before any acceptance: answer these questions in writing–what is the expected return date, how will money flow into the household, who signs leases, who retains health coverage, and what triggers a renegotiation of living arrangements? Be sure both partners sign.

If the offer feels like a good career step but creates uncertainty for joint life, delay accepting until these items are resolved. Evidence and small rules reduce financial loss, preserve friendships and well-being, and prevent waiting years for clarity that may never come.

Practical alternatives to marriage they chose: cohabitation, legal agreements, and budgets

Sign a cohabitation agreement now and open three designated accounts: individual checking for personal spending (focus money, 30–40% of each person’s take-home), a joint checking for fixed household costs (rent, utilities) funded by income-proportional transfers, and a joint savings for emergencies and shared goals (target 3–6 months of expenses). For a combined monthly net of $5,000, allocate $1,500–1,750 to housing, $400–600 to groceries and utilities, $500 to savings; adjust splits when one partner is single-income so both remain comfortable.

Include explicit legal clauses: property division formulas, debt responsibility, caregiving and parent involvement if a parent or child is involved, exit terms andor buyout math, durable power of attorney and healthcare proxy. Typical flat-fee drafting ranges $300–1,200; notarizing and registering where available adds $50–200. Preserve sound evidence by keeping separate receipts, time-stamped bank statements, shared spreadsheets and years-long contribution logs so courts or mediators can resolve disputes when asked.

Set a written budget template reviewed quarterly: housing 30–35%, savings 15–20%, debt 10–15%, childcare/parent support 5–10%, discretionary 10–20%. Track wedding funds separately; many delay weddings andor marrying and redirect delayed allocations into joint investments or taxable brokerage accounts to avoid sunk-cost pressure. Address monogamy explicitly in relationship terms to reduce social friction; add a short dispute-resolution step to prevent agreements from getting lost amid changing lives and social expectations.

Use a two-year checklist: 1) signed cohabitation agreement; 2) three accounts funded and recorded; 3) wills and POAs updated; 4) emergency fund at target level; 5) quarterly reconciliation meetings with line items for subscriptions, childcare, taxes and wedding savings. Common reasons people choose these alternatives include money flexibility, desire to remain single-identifying, different upbringing models and focus on career or well-being. Short notes, a shared folder with receipts and annotated images (getty examples ok) make transparency practical; a short journal entry after each quarterly review helps track what makes the arrangement sustainable rather than vanishing under stress (see commentary by carroll in a legal journal for related outcomes).

Daily routines and support systems they built to maintain independence while studying

Create a weekly study-and-budget timetable with fixed time blocks, recorded-lecture playback slots, and three priority tasks per day to protect focus and reduce decision fatigue.

Budget: allocate 50% of income to essentials, 30% to savings, 20% to discretionary; review accounts on the first business day of each month and set two auto-payments (rent, utilities). Build a cash buffer equal to one month of living expenses and a three-month emergency fund before taking a loan; compare institute grants, scholarship benefits, and interest on any loan before signing.

Academic routine: schedule 90-minute deep-work blocks, one passive review session using playback of lectures, and a 20-minute review at night to log three accomplishments. If responses to course feedback are slow, email instructors within 72 hours and copy academic advisor to avoid getting lost in queues.

Mental health and social support: set a weekly check-in with a peer pod of 2–4 students, register for campus counseling, and join one student organization to stay involved. Track well-being via a simple scale (1–10) each morning; a drop below 5 for a week should trigger an appointment with counseling services.

Housing and chores: rotate shopping and cooking duties on a fortnight schedule; keep receipts and shared accounts transparent with a ledger app. Sounds of conflict usually fall when responsibilities are explicit; write house rules, turn disputes into one short mediation session, and document outcomes.

Decision framework: use a three-point test before major choices – cost, time impact, net benefits – then sleep on it; if thought patterns feel reactive, delay commitments by 48 hours to prevent pressure-driven errors. Record major decisions in a decisions log for review every quarter.

Family dynamics: one respondent raised by divorced parents felt better prepared for boundary-setting and money management; use that experience to model clear financial conversations with family and to decide which relatives become emergency contacts.

Practical tools: consolidate passwords in an encrypted manager, set bill alerts to avoid late fees, and create a “turn-key” file with rental agreements, insurance documents, and account numbers so others can help if you are unavailable. These steps make independence sound sustainable, not precarious.

Career and institute resources: meet career services each semester, apply to three internships per term, and list institute contacts who can provide references. Track responses and outreach dates in a spreadsheet to keep momentum and measure progress.

End-of-term review: run a 30-day playback of expenses and calendar events, note what worked and what fell short, and adjust the timetable for the next term. Although routines will shift, consistent reviews keep well-being and academic goals on the right track.