Angry, Dysregulated, Can’t Think？ Here’s How to Feel Better ASAP!

So the other day I had a truly awful emotional meltdown — it was brutal. I got into a heated argument with a vendor I hired for my company, and I completely lost my composure. This happened about seven days ago. If you’ve heard me talk about productivity crashes before, you know that a single upsetting event can wipe out days of work. Well, for me it turned into a whole week; I thought I would have moved past it by now, but I’m only just beginning to climb out of that reaction. I do have CPTSD and some healing to do, so I want to share the steps I used to recover from deep dysregulation and turn a terrible day into, finally, a good one. These are the concrete things I do when I get overwhelmed so I can come back to feeling alert, calm, focused and — very important for my work — friendly. Irritable doesn’t work when my job requires me to be on camera, lead group coaching, or run interactive sessions. If I’m dysregulated, I can’t do what I love, so staying regulated is essential. I’m going to avoid getting dragged into the whole story of what happened — it’s tempting to recount every ugly detail, but retelling the drama only prolongs my upset. In short: I paid a lot of money, didn’t receive what I expected, and felt gaslighted when I raised concerns. I could’ve walked away sooner, but a substantial sum was involved and I kept pushing to resolve it. I’d noticed problems for months but kept telling myself it would get better or that I was overreacting. When I did question things, the vendor answered with a lot of dismissive talk that included belittling put-downs — “you’re just a complainer” and claims that no one else had ever had issues — which in retrospect felt untrue and left me feeling really small. I stuck with trying to work it out in good faith until I eventually lost it and yelled. Yelling at someone never sits well with me — maybe it would make sense if I were in danger, but not in a business conversation. When I raised my voice, I knew I’d lost self-regulation, and the shame about how I’d acted was what sent me into a multi-day productivity crash. Here’s what I do when I’m in that dysregulated hole — these practices actually work for me and help lift that sharp pain and dread so I can keep going. 1) I talked it out. I went to my husband and unloaded; I estimated about ten minutes, but he’d argue it was longer. He’d overheard part of the call and looked alarmed, worried about the fallout and whether he’d be blamed or if I’d be seen as the problem. In that moment I felt compelled to explain, but he’s the kind of person who finds someone’s ranting uncomfortable. That helped me shift from spinning the story to sitting with the raw feelings — hurt, anger, shame. 2) I cried. Spontaneously. There was a period in my life when I cried daily, but these full-body sobs have become rare and, honestly, it felt wonderful to let it out. My husband sat with me, said steadying things like “it’ll be okay,” and didn’t join the venting chorus. Instead he stayed attuned to my emotional state, which helped me come down. 3) I stopped venting. This was intentional. While it can seem like continued talking helps, for me it just amplifies the negativity. A little expression can be useful, but going on and on keeps you trapped in the spiraling story of what happened. When I quieted the narrative, I could feel deeper layers of emotion and re-enter my body and the present moment. It’s also easier on other people to be calmly sad or mildly angry than to be loud and frantic, trying to escape the feeling with noise. 4) I had tea and food. After someone yells at me I tend to dissociate a bit, and that makes creative or demanding cognitive work impossible. So I accept where I’m at, pause the project, make tea, eat something with protein — the simple physical sensations of holding a warm cup and tasting food help ground me, pull me out of the bad dream, and bring me back into my body and present time. 5) I wrote my fears and resentments down. This is the central technique I use — it’s what I teach in my daily practice. Putting the fearful, resentful thoughts onto paper is a tactile way to express them without re-traumatizing myself through nonstop verbal venting. Writing lets the toxic air escape my head: once those thoughts are on the page, they lose their grip. You can save them to revisit later with a trusted friend or re-read them yourself, but in the moment writing gives your mind a break from being controlled by those thoughts. Over 28 years I’ve trained myself to regulate this way; it’s become how I get back on track quickly. 6) I moved my body and went outside. I took a walk, pulled weeds, anything to use my senses and proprioception to re-anchor. When I’m dysregulated time blurs and I lose track of basic cues, so looking at plants, houses, breathing fresh air and feeling my body’s weight when I walk helps my nervous system align with actual reality. I don’t talk or listen to anything on these therapeutic walks; I simply notice the world and sometimes say the date out loud to reorient myself. 7) I returned to work, starting slowly. Sometimes for a day or two I can only do simple, low-cognitive tasks — filing, copying lists into a digital tool, little admin things. After a few days of that I begin to worry about the “real” work (for me, making videos), so when I felt ready I used timed work blocks: 25 minutes of focused effort, then a break — the Pomodoro method. I make a list of tasks and tackle them one by one in 25-minute sprints without checking email or notifications. I even put a little post-it on the door so family knows I’m in a Pomodoro and to let me be. Deep focus feels therapeutic and helps momentum return. 8) I reconnected with community and used practical tools. A few days after the upset I attended an in-person 12-step meeting — I didn’t speak, but being in the room, listening to others’ recovery stories, and feeling their presence lifted me. I also made a concrete plan: lists of steps to find a new vendor, close the old agreement, and consider whether to apologize for the blow-up. I’m open to apologizing if my daily practice reveals I need to; I’ll do it the minute I see it. Taking these practical steps helped bring closure to the project so the incident stopped spinning into something much larger. 9) I caught myself when I started ruminating and deliberately redirected to positive memories. Old hurts can be magnetic; when I’m low I can easily drift into familiar negative stories about past betrayals. If I notice that happening while I’m trying to re-regulate, I gently switch my thoughts to something warm. I keep a few happy memories I can visit — one new favorite is a recent vacation swim with my sons, floating in salt water and feeling grateful for them. Intentionally moving my mind toward those moments helps rebalance me. 10) My secret power tool: do a small anonymous kindness for someone else. If you really want to feel better, find a quiet way to help another person — and if you can, do it anonymously. If the recipient knows who did it, it can contaminate the benefit with a desire to be seen as “good.” Little acts like calling someone who’s struggling, bringing a neighbor’s empty trash cans back after collection, dropping a few coins in an expired parking meter, or giving an unprompted, sincere compliment can shift your focus from your own hurt to the good you can do in the world. Helping without expecting anything back reduces suffering rather than passing it on, and that change of role — from sufferer to helper — is profoundly uplifting. Along the way I also made sure to rest, eat protein at each meal (very grounding), keep meditating even when it felt wobbly, and do light exercise. It took me several days of low-level activities, then a gradual return to higher-focus tasks, but by acting step by step I moved from a place of shame and shock to a calmer, productive groove. If you get productivity crashes when upset, that’s a common pattern with childhood PTSD — I have a video about it right here, and I’ll see you very soon. [Music]

Extra practical tools and short routines that help right away

• 5‑4‑3‑2‑1 grounding: name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. This pulls attention out of spiraling thought into the present.
• Simple breath reset (box breathing): inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4 — repeat 3–6 times. Slows heart rate and calms the panic response.
• Two‑minute progressive muscle release: tense a muscle group (feet → calves → thighs → hands → shoulders) for 5–7 seconds then let go. The contrast helps your body notice safety.
• Quick naming: silently label the emotion (“anger,” “hurt,” “embarrassment”) and the physical sensation (“tight throat,” “hot face”). Naming reduces amygdala activation and gives you a tiny gap to choose a response.
• Micro‑movement: if a full walk feels like too much, stomp your feet for 30 seconds, swing your arms, or do 10 squats. Movement signals to your nervous system that you’re not in immediate danger.

How to handle the next interaction with the vendor (practical scripts)

• Set a boundary: “I want to resolve this professionally. I’m available to discuss solutions between 10–11am on Tuesday; if we can’t agree by then I will move to the next steps I’ve documented.”
• Calm de‑escalation line if you feel triggered mid‑call: “I’m feeling too upset to be productive right now. Let’s pause and reconvene at [time] so we can both show up clearly.”
• Repair script if you decide to apologize: “I’m sorry I raised my voice earlier. I was frustrated by the situation, and I regret how I expressed that. I want to resolve this professionally.” A short sincere apology resets the relationship dynamic without overexplaining.

Longer‑term habits and when to seek additional help

• Routines: consistent sleep, regular protein, movement, and a short daily practice (5–15 minutes of meditation or breathing) make emotional recovery faster when crises happen.
• Thought‑work: use a quick cognitive check — is this thought factual, an interpretation, or a replay of an old story? Replace catastrophizing with “What’s the next practical step?”
• Therapy options: if episodes of dysregulation are frequent, prolonged, or disruptive to your life, consider trauma‑informed therapies (EMDR, CPT, DBT skills training). A clinician can teach pacing and personalized regulation tools.
• Crisis signs: seek immediate professional support if you have persistent suicidal thoughts, severe dissociation that prevents safe functioning, or if your sleep/appetite are collapsed for weeks.

Small practical additions that help keep momentum

• Use a visible timer and short work sprints to rebuild confidence (Pomodoro 25/5 or 50/10).
• Keep a “mood box” of 3–5 quick, proven soothing items (tea bag, a photograph, a small scented object) to use when you need grounding.
• Label a trusted person as your post‑meltdown anchor and let them know what you need (space, listening without advice, or a single grounding phrase).
• Limit stimulants (extra caffeine, alcohol) during recovery days — they deepen anxiety and dysregulation.

Final note

You don’t need to be perfect at these steps. The point is to give your nervous system predictable, compassionate inputs so it can downshift. Small consistent practices shorten the recovery time and protect your work, relationships, and sense of self. If you keep practicing these micro‑routines, you’ll notice that meltdowns take less time to recover from, and you’ll get back to calm, focused, and friendly faster.