Our Daughters need to hear this.

The world will try to teach my daughter that her worth lies in her appearance, that a “good” girl stays quiet, obedient, and always puts others before herself. It will pressure her to take up as little space as possible, to keep pouring from an empty cup, and to doubt her own emotions, desires, and what she truly deserves in a partnership. Society pushes the idea that being likable at any cost is the goal, that making a relationship work is more important than asking whether the relationship actually serves you. It normalizes going along with sexual experiences that feel wrong and convincing oneself, “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

That narrative is completely false — rubbish. You are an equal and are entitled to equal treatment. Constantly giving to someone who only takes, obsessively catering to another person’s needs while neglecting your own, or consenting to sexual acts that make you uncomfortable are not signs of being a good partner; they are indicators of abuse, and nobody deserves that. When she starts dating at twenty-one, the same counsel still applies: she is worthy of kindness, respect, and sincere apologies. Do not allow anyone to silence you or diminish you. Your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Refuse to tolerate disrespect, and do not let someone grow comfortable trying to control or manipulate you. Much of that behavior springs from trauma responses, and entering a relationship crippled by the fear of abandonment rarely ends well. The question shouldn’t be “What can I do to make them like me or stay?” but rather “Is this relationship one I want to be in?”

Have the courage to present yourself honestly and authentically. Be kind, yes, but also truthful. If a relationship falls apart because honesty exposed someone’s controlling behavior, disrespect, or emotional unavailability, that loss is not truly a loss — it’s a blessing in disguise.

Practical tools and reminders:

• Boundaries are your right. You can say no without guilt. Clear, consistent boundaries protect your time, emotions, and body. Examples: “I’m not comfortable with that,” “I need some space to think,” or “I won’t accept being spoken to that way.”
• Consent must be enthusiastic, ongoing, and revocable. Consent is not silence or compliance; it’s a clear, willing yes. It can be withdrawn at any time. If something feels pressured or coerced, it is not consent.
• Know the red flags. Quick escalation of intimacy, isolating you from friends/family, excessive jealousy or monitoring, gaslighting (making you doubt your memory or feelings), frequent disrespect, threats, or pressure for sex are all warning signs.
• Healthy relationships look like this: mutual respect, honest communication, shared decision-making, accountability for harm, emotional safety, and space for each person’s growth and friendships.
• Communication tools: Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”), set clear requests (“Could you…?”), and expect truthful responses. If someone consistently refuses to communicate or belittles your attempts, that is telling.
• Self-care and support: Maintain friendships, hobbies, and therapy or counseling if you can. Your support network is both a mirror and a lifeline when decisions feel overwhelming.

If you suspect you’re in an abusive relationship or feel unsafe:

• Trust your instincts. You don’t need to justify feeling unsafe to anyone.
• Tell a trusted person what’s happening and keep records of threatening or abusive behavior if it’s safe to do so.
• Make a safety plan: identify a safe place to go, important documents to take, and people you can call. If there is immediate danger, contact emergency services.
• Seek professional help — counselors, domestic violence hotlines, campus safety offices, or local advocacy organizations can provide guidance tailored to your situation.

How to support someone you love:

• Listen without judgment, believe them, and avoid pressuring them to act before they’re ready.
• Validate their feelings and offer concrete help — a place to stay, company at appointments, or help finding resources.
• Respect their choices even if you disagree; leaving an abusive situation is complex and often takes time and planning.

Remind her — and remind yourself — that wanting respect, safety, and reciprocity is not selfish. It’s essential. Relationships should lift you up, not wear you down. You deserve people who make you feel seen, safe, and free to be fully yourself.

Essential Conversations: Consent, Boundaries, and Standing Up for Herself

Teach her that consent requires a clear, voluntary verbal “yes”; silence, hesitation, or pressure do not count.

What consent looks like: consent must be freely given, informed, sober, and reversible. A clear verbal agreement beats guessing. If one person cannot speak or is asleep, there is no consent. Discuss scenarios and ask her to say whether those scenarios are acceptable so she learns the difference between consent and coercion.

Age-specific language: For preschoolers (3–6) use concrete rules: name private body parts, say “my body belongs to me,” and teach them to tell a trusted adult if someone tries to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. For school-age children (7–12) practice short refusal lines and privacy rules about photos and dressing. For teens, focus on direct verbal consent, how alcohol or drugs remove the ability to consent, and the right to change their mind at any time.

Short scripts she can use: “Stop. I don’t want that.” “No, thank you.” “Don’t touch me.” “I need you to leave me alone.” Teach her to use a firm tone, keep body language open and tall, and repeat the boundary if needed.

Setting boundaries with friends and partners: Encourage “I” statements and clear consequences: “I don’t share photos without permission. If you post mine, I will remove you from my contacts.” Role-play saying a boundary once, then saying it again with the consequence. Praise her for clarity and calm delivery.

Four practical bystander actions: Direct: name the behavior (“That comment isn’t okay”). Distract: intervene by creating a non-confrontational interruption (spill a drink, ask for help finding someone). Delegate: get an authority figure or call for assistance. Delay: check in with the person targeted after the event and offer support. Practice short phrases for each option so she can act quickly.

If a boundary is violated: get to a safe location, tell a trusted adult or friend, preserve any evidence (do not wash or change clothes if sexual assault occurred), and seek medical care as soon as possible to address injuries, STI testing, and emergency contraception options. She can also call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit rainn.org for confidential support and local resources.

Daily habits that protect boundaries: set household rules about device privacy (no sharing images without permission, no cameras in private spaces), agree on check-in texts for late nights, and practice saying “no” in brief, repeated drills so refusal becomes automatic under stress.

How parents can communicate: keep conversations short and specific, respond calmly to questions, model asking for consent before touching, and follow up after social events with fact-based questions (“Who were you with? Did anything make you uncomfortable?”). When she asserts a boundary, validate the action and offer concrete support options.