Here’s How to Tell If Your Nervous System is Dysregulated

Growing up with trauma affects each person differently, yet the patterns of symptoms that can surface later in life are strikingly similar for many of us. Trauma can alter your feelings, mental health, relationships, and even your ability to thrive at work — issues you may already have noticed. There is, however, a central consequence of trauma that most people aren’t aware of: a powerful, limiting condition called neurological dysregulation. While not exclusive to trauma survivors, dysregulation is almost universal among those who experienced trauma in childhood and underlies nearly every other symptom. Until you can recognize and address it, changing the other problems becomes much harder. For years, professionals thought trauma wounds were mainly psychological — emotional, behavioral, or cultural issues. Those elements are real, but we now understand that the core injury is often neurological: trauma injures the nervous system, disrupting its normal function — in other words, it causes dysregulation. That disruption can indirectly contribute to a wide range of health problems from obesity and ADHD to heart disease and addiction. Although those conditions can affect anyone, they are far more common in people who experienced trauma. Beyond that, researchers have shown that simply being in a dysregulated state makes ordinary life tasks feel impossibly difficult: reading, being alone, sharing an opinion, or coping with the feeling of being excluded can be enough to trigger dysregulation. If you could look at a brain scan during dysregulation, you’d see the left frontal cortex dimmed — its typical activity suppressed, harming reasoning and attention — while the right frontal cortex flares with excessive, chaotic activity, flooding the system with emotion. That suppression of rational processing alongside emotional overdrive explains why people who grew up with trauma often struggle to think clearly and handle feelings under pressure; they may feel scattered and overwhelmed. This isn’t just an emotional reaction — it’s happening in the brain. Dysregulation alters brainwave patterns, throws breathing and heart rate out of sync, and can produce numbness in the hands, mouth, or face. Finding words, finishing tasks, and concentrating can become difficult; coordination falters, and simple clumsiness — tripping off a curb, dropping a coffee cup, or noticing changes in handwriting — becomes common. Many people say things they don’t mean when dysregulated or make decisions in the moment they later regret, like leaving with someone after a night out as if operating half-asleep and lacking the mental clarity to refuse. Others shut down and withdraw to avoid overstimulation, sometimes without realizing that’s what they’re doing. Some react with impulsivity, rage, or emotional flatness — even towards people they’ve hurt. A friend might interpret a blank expression as indifference, but that blankness can actually signal intense concern so overwhelming that the person checks out. Dysregulation makes connecting with others and handling everyday tasks — such as deciding whether a bus that arrives is the right one — unexpectedly hard. It also impairs moment-to-moment self-awareness: you may not notice you’re talking too much or oversharing until much later. These are the collateral consequences of a nervous system that’s out of balance, and in many instances, they’re not under conscious control. Importantly, these reactions don’t mean someone is bad, selfish, or weak — they are amplified or caused by a dysregulated brain. This knowledge is relatively new; until recently, doctors, therapists, and teachers rarely recognized dysregulation as the underlying issue. Now, the conversation is shifting and awareness is growing. Understanding dysregulation changes the approach to healing and gives people a shared vocabulary to explain why some days feel manageable and other times leave them fragile and reactive. You don’t have to announce every episode to others, but knowing dysregulation is happening helps — and often others can’t tell you’re dysregulated unless you’re openly lashing out, which is the most visible sign and the aspect people tend to notice first. Often there’s an awkward dance between people when someone is overwhelmed: they pretend they’re fine while the other person assumes they are, which leads to stilted interactions where you may force a facial expression just to look appropriately responsive, all while struggling to hear or understand the other person. Dysregulation is triggered by stressors and crises and has the effect of dulling reasoning while inflating emotion. That helps explain why trauma survivors often repeat the same painful patterns: yelling, rushing into relationships, overspending — behaviors enacted in a dysregulated moment that later bring shame once regulation returns and perspective returns. You can vow never to do it again, mean it sincerely, and still find yourself repeating the behavior when the stress flips the dysregulation switch. The good news is this cycle can be broken: it’s possible to feel well and make sound decisions consistently, and learning to re-regulate is the key to making change much easier. How do you tell dysregulation is happening? Start by noticing what your regulated state feels like: calm, organized brain activity that produces steady, predictable emotions and bodily responses. When strong emotions ignite dysregulation, it often feels like a sudden, unpleasant chemical rush through the body — a sensation some compare to the onset of a migraine or the crackling start of a seizure, a distinct feeling that something is beginning to overload the nervous system. Many experience a tingling or a run-down-the-arms sensation — likely the surge of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol when the fight-or-flight response activates. As dysregulation sets in, thinking shifts toward reactivity: withdrawal and silence, confusion and blurting, panic, or impulsive behavior. In those moments it’s hard to accurately perceive what’s happening, what was said, or even whether the person in front of you is safe or friendly. The ability to read subtle cues and judge the appropriateness of words or actions diminishes, and often clarity doesn’t return until hours or days later. To spot dysregulation, look for warning signs that may vary between people, including: feeling spaced out; temporarily forgetting where you are; being at a loss for words; feeling scattered and unable to finish tasks; tripping, dropping, or losing things; a flattened voice and expression or, conversely, intense rage; an urgent need to vent; numbness in parts of the body such as hands, mouth, face, nose, or feet. Dysregulation typically begins with an emotional flood — sudden upset or fear provoked by something someone says or does — though sometimes the trigger is invisible: hormones, exhaustion, or even just waking up. Given how hard it can be to control once it begins, the most important step is recognizing it quickly. What can be done? 1) Name it: if you can tell yourself, “I’m becoming dysregulated,” you can interrupt impulsive reactions and give yourself space to re-regulate before saying or doing something harmful. 2) Prioritize safety: this is not a moment for driving — pull over, slow down, and give yourself time. Don’t attempt risky tasks like rushing through traffic or operating dangerous tools while dysregulated. 3) If you are in danger of harm, focus entirely on getting to physical safety by any means necessary. 4) If an argument triggered the state, try to de-escalate rather than intensify the fight. Use gentle language to pause the conversation: for example, “I want to continue this, but I need a moment to calm down.” If you’d rather not explain you’re triggered, say you need a bathroom break or that another call is coming in to buy time. Pausing the interaction without launching into discussion is often wise because talking about it can exacerbate dysregulation. 5) When buying time, put distance between yourself and the other person: move to a private room, even if it’s just a bathroom or your car, and give yourself the minutes you need. 6) A simple grounding trick is stamping your feet in place while internally counting “right, left, right, left” — this can help anchor you to the present and begin calming the nervous system. 7) Take ten slow, deliberate breaths, paying special attention to the exhale; breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth helps. 8) Pressing the tongue gently to the back of the teeth is a subtle, private technique that can bring you back into your body. 9) Sit down and feel the weight of your body in the chair to reestablish physical grounding. 10) If hunger is a factor, choose protein rather than sugary carbs; protein helps stabilize the body and bring you back to center. 11) Washing hands under cool or warm water can be soothing and help you feel anchored in the present. 12) If a trusted friend is present, a firm, full-bodied hug can be very helpful; if alone, press your back into a corner and wrap your arms around yourself to create reassuring pressure on the torso — human touch and compression can calm the nervous system. 13) Massaging the bony area at the base of the skull where it meets the neck — pressing or using small circular motions — can relax the neck; combine this with deep breaths and a focus on releasing tension. 14) Finally, literally shake it off: stand with relaxed muscles and bounce lightly, shake out your arms, legs, and head to discharge tension from the body. Those techniques give you a toolkit for moments of dysregulation. At the end of the video there’s a downloadable summary with these steps so you can carry the list with you, and for those who want deeper work there’s a Dysregulation Boot Camp online course — links are placed in the video description (you may need to click the “more” button to reveal them). Additional resources are available at crappychildhoodfairy.com. Regarding medication: some researchers find medications helpful for dysregulation, others do not. Because trauma-related symptoms are not always a simple chemical imbalance corrected by drugs, some medications might even hinder the brain’s natural ability to re-regulate; discuss options with a physician. Remember: everyone experiences dysregulation at times, and most people eventually re-regulate on their own, but those with trauma histories are more prone to frequent, longer episodes and can have more difficulty returning to balance. The aim is to learn to re-regulate as soon as you notice it and to stay regulated more consistently. That shift makes everything else — the second phase of healing — far more achievable: once regulation is steadier, you can address the behaviors, patterns, and life circumstances that developed while living in a dysregulated state. Childhood trauma commonly locks people into trauma-driven habits and reactions that persist for years; working on those patterns is the deep healing that frees you to make lasting positive changes. When regulated, you can intentionally work on your behaviors and grow into your true self — not someone defined by constant struggle, but a capable person able to bring gifts into the world. This transformation benefits not only you but everyone around you: regulation restores choice, agency, and possibility, letting you test boundaries, change your mind, and move toward the life and relationships you want. If you’d like a copy of a free PDF outlining signs of dysregulation and emergency measures to re-regulate, it is available for download here, and more resources will follow soon.