Don’t send your Husband my Videos without doing THIS first

Okay — today I want to discuss how some men can be utterly useless in relationships. Ladies, you might be tempted to randomly send this video to your partner — ha, don’t actually do that. Full disclosure: I already accidentally sent mine. To be frank, I’m genuinely grateful and humbled when something I say connects with you. I get it — you hope he sees it and finally grasps what you’ve been feeling. I’m completely on your side when it comes to you being heard. But it’s important to remember I’m not here to pick sides in a fight. I poke fun at how thoughtless I can be as a husband, yes, but my aim isn’t to shame one person over the other. I’m invested in your marriage thriving.

My priority is helping you reconnect and repair what’s broken. I want healing, restored intimacy, and a space where both of you can speak openly without fear of being wounded. If you’re thinking, “He won’t listen — he gets defensive, makes excuses, dismisses my feelings, or worse,” then we need to be honest: will sending him a random clip of me telling men to “step up” actually make him pause, reflect, and develop empathy? Or will it just make him feel attacked and push you farther apart?

I want the best possible relationship outcome for both partners. A lot of men accuse me of being a “simp” — do you know that term? I admit I didn’t; I was too nervous to look it up. But seriously, many people assume I’m just picking on men, so let me turn to women for a moment. Criticizing, disrespecting, being passive-aggressive, labeling your partner as the problem, lecturing them, talking down to them, holding grudges, or acting self-righteous — none of that works. Those behaviors aren’t vulnerability or genuine self-reflection; they aren’t emotional maturity. Shaming someone might produce a short-term reaction that looks like change, but it won’t stick because true transformation has to come from within.

So here’s the bottom line: if you don’t feel safe talking to your partner about your emotions, that lack of safety has to be dealt with first — and that often means getting help from a professional. A relationship where one or both people feel unsafe expressing themselves isn’t sustainable, and you deserve so much better than that.

If you want this video to actually help rather than harm, prepare first. Pause and ask yourself: what do I want to achieve — understanding, change in behavior, an apology, more affection? Be specific with yourself before involving him. If your goal is a healthier connection, approach with curiosity and a commitment to being clear but calm.

Practical steps before sharing any clip:

– Ask permission. Try a short opener: “I found a short video that expresses some of how I’ve been feeling. Would you be open to watching it with me and talking after?” Asking reduces defensiveness and avoids ambush.

– Frame it with “I” statements. Instead of “You need to watch this,” say, “This helped me name something I’ve been struggling with.” That keeps the focus on your experience rather than blaming.

– Choose timing and tone. Don’t send it in the middle of an argument, when he’s stressed, or right before bed. Pick a calm moment and suggest watching together so you can talk immediately afterward while emotions are present but regulated.

– Add a brief note explaining why it matters. One or two sentences that connect the clip to your reality will go farther than dumping content without context. Example: “This clip made me realize why I’ve been feeling lonely — can we watch it together and discuss?”

– Prepare to listen. If your aim is mutual change, be ready to hear his perspective, ask open questions, and resist the urge to score points. Curiosity helps create the safety you both need to be honest.

If you suspect real defensiveness or escalation, set boundaries and safeguards. If past attempts to share feelings have led to shutdowns, yelling, or controlling behavior, bring in a neutral third party — a couples therapist, counselor, or trusted mediator — rather than sending something that could inflame the situation. And if there are any signs of emotional or physical abuse, prioritize your safety: create a plan, reach out to local resources, and consider professional support immediately.

Short scripts you can use

– Before sending: “I found a short clip that captures something I’ve been feeling. Would you be open to watching it with me and talking afterward?”

– If he gets defensive: “I hear you — that wasn’t my goal. I just wanted to share how I’ve been feeling so we can understand each other better.”

– If you need help: “I think this is bigger than we can handle alone. Would you consider seeing a couples counselor with me so we can learn healthier ways to communicate?”

Final note: change that sticks usually comes from curiosity, accountability, and compassion — not from being shamed or ambushed. Use videos as conversation starters, not weapons. If you’re unsure how to proceed, a short call with a therapist or a trusted friend who supports healthy relationships can help you plan the safest and most effective approach.

How to Talk to Your Husband: Clear Communication and Boundaries

Ask for a 15–20 minute, device-free conversation and state one clear request: “Please don’t share my videos without asking me first.” Use a calm tone and a single example of what you mean to keep the request concrete.

Use short “I” statements that name the action, the feeling, and the change you want: “When my videos get shared, I feel exposed. I need you to ask me before you send or post them.” Offer one brief reason tied to a real consequence–privacy, work, or family reputation–so the request stays practical.

Define three sharing categories together and assign rules to each: public (no restriction), friends-only (ask first), private/intimate (never share). Write these rules down and agree on one clear signal–text or verbal–he should use before sharing anything in the middle category.

Set a simple process for permission: give a yes/no within 24 hours after a request, or provide a one-sentence refusal. Practice a sample exchange: Partner: “Can I share this video with Mark?” Response: “No, please don’t. It was meant to stay private.”

Use reflective listening when he reacts defensively: repeat his main point aloud (“So you feel left out when I say no”) and follow with a short question (“What would make asking easier for you?”). Limit reflections to one sentence and one question to avoid escalating the talk.

Agree on a consequence you both accept if a boundary is crossed–example: temporary pause on sharing each other’s content for two weeks–and schedule a 10-minute review after the first incident to adjust rules if needed.

Mind nonverbal cues: sit at the same level, keep an open posture, use steady eye contact about 60–70% of the time, and speak at a measured volume. Pause after you make a request so he can respond without interruptions.

Practice the new rules for two weeks, then evaluate: count incidents of asking vs. not asking and note how each exchange made you feel. Keep the evaluation data simple–three columns: asked/asked+got answer/shared without asking–and decide one small tweak based on what the data shows.